DitsyDiabetic

220d

Experiencing Memory Gaps and Altered Behavior: Possible DID?

Hi. So quick backstory uh I’m officially diagnosed with BPD but not DID but I’m starting to have stronger evidence it might in fact be the latter, or possibly both? Not sure. So i just want y’all’s thoughts on the latest odd behavior that I’m now realizing I’ve done all my life, but also suspecting why as well…. Anywho….. I’ve always avoided scrolling very far back in my own posts on ANY type of social media site, including this one. Never really noticed. Well, I’ve been a bit extra introspective as of late, and noticed sometimes old comments i made that come across my feed for whatever reason make me deeply uncomfortable, for two reasons. 1: i simply have no memory of making them at all and 2: i would never under any circumstances ever ever even say that thing. Well today it happened again, except this time said disturbing comment was on MY old post…. Which was equally bothersome. Something clicked in my head and, risking worse a bit of discomfort, scrolled back in my own posts pretty far. Some of them i remembered. Some i did not. And a lot of the ‘not’ ones were things i would never say. I realized without looking (thereby avoiding the most extreme discomfort yet) that i do the same thing (not scrolling back) in the most extreme form with messages. Yikes. Imo there are vastly compounding issues as to why this is problematic. Please think this thru before replying…. I don’t want to list all the symptoms I’ve come up with that fit the DID requirements perfectly or this post would be 5x this long haha. Also pardon me for not describing better… there’s still a lot of terminology i don’t know. TL;DR: Please tell me if this is something a DID individual would experience. TIA 💜

Mbgjvb

596d

Misdiagnosed with BPD? Seeking Advice

Mostly a rant but if anyone has advice that would be good. Thank you!! TLDR at the end I think I’m misdiagnosed. Officially I’m diagnosed with BPD, but I don’t think I have it. Last year, I admitted myself to the psych ward because I couldn’t keep myself safe and the second time I was also psychotic (both 2021, once in April and once in August I think) and they diagnosed me BPD there. I have episodes. Strong emotions become overwhelming and I lash out at people, but I’ve gotten really good at holding back and not saying something that’s mean. I realize when I’m having paranoid thoughts. I have a fp, my partner, and I split sometimes. I also have a lot of derealization. Almost half the time I’m sure that no one is real but me (of course i don’t tell anyone and I don’t do anything about it because I know it’s just a symptom). I don’t have a sense of self at all. I also am diagnosed bipolar. I don’t get mania a lot, like maybe once or twice a year. But again, strong emotions and cycles of depression. I was on medication. Cymbalta. In 2019- a year before i started getting bpd episodes and I went through a lot of trauma in 2020. When I went to the ward for sh in 2021, they gave me latuda but it was $800 with insurance. I feel like the two conflicted and made me kind of delirious. I didn’t start seeing and hearing things until that point. My psychiatrist also gave me Adhd medication at some point but with the other meds it made me really numb so I stopped after a week. The therapist I saw for like a month told me that I’m unusually aware of my emotions and how my disorders effect me. I think I might have autism, adhd, and something relating to compulsions. Autism runs in the family and I’ve always had trouble with eye contact, overstimulation, sensory issues and general socializing stuff. I also kind of carry myself weirdly. If that counts. I know adhd has a lot of symptoms that correspond to autism. Like I can’t tell the difference when I fidget or stim. I don’t think I have ocd. But I have a lot of compulsions. For example- when I was like 6-7 I would wash my hands and then take a cup and pour water on the sink nozzle so I didn’t get those germs on me again. It happened every time I washed my hands for months until my mom made jokes about me becoming a germaphobe so I worked very hard to stop and make sure I didn’t “become a germaphobe”. If I don’t actively work at it, I fall into cycles of stuff like that. TLDR: When I was in the mental h*spital I was diagnosed Bpd, Bipolar with psychotic features, and anxiety. I think I have Bipolar, Adhd, Autism, and something to do with compulsions.

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