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Mbgjvb

629d

Mostly a rant but if anyone has advice that would be good. Thank you!! TLDR at the end I think I’m misdiagnosed. Officially I’m diagnosed with BPD, but I don’t think I have it. Last year, I admitted myself to the psych ward because I couldn’t keep myself safe and the second time I was also psychotic (both 2021, once in April and once in August I think) and they diagnosed me BPD there. I have episodes. Strong emotions become overwhelming and I lash out at people, but I’ve gotten really good at holding back and not saying something that’s mean. I realize when I’m having paranoid thoughts. I have a fp, my partner, and I split sometimes. I also have a lot of derealization. Almost half the time I’m sure that no one is real but me (of course i don’t tell anyone and I don’t do anything about it because I know it’s just a symptom). I don’t have a sense of self at all. I also am diagnosed bipolar. I don’t get mania a lot, like maybe once or twice a year. But again, strong emotions and cycles of depression. I was on medication. Cymbalta. In 2019- a year before i started getting bpd episodes and I went through a lot of trauma in 2020. When I went to the ward for sh in 2021, they gave me latuda but it was $800 with insurance. I feel like the two conflicted and made me kind of delirious. I didn’t start seeing and hearing things until that point. My psychiatrist also gave me Adhd medication at some point but with the other meds it made me really numb so I stopped after a week. The therapist I saw for like a month told me that I’m unusually aware of my emotions and how my disorders effect me. I think I might have autism, adhd, and something relating to compulsions. Autism runs in the family and I’ve always had trouble with eye contact, overstimulation, sensory issues and general socializing stuff. I also kind of carry myself weirdly. If that counts. I know adhd has a lot of symptoms that correspond to autism. Like I can’t tell the difference when I fidget or stim. I don’t think I have ocd. But I have a lot of compulsions. For example- when I was like 6-7 I would wash my hands and then take a cup and pour water on the sink nozzle so I didn’t get those germs on me again. It happened every time I washed my hands for months until my mom made jokes about me becoming a germaphobe so I worked very hard to stop and make sure I didn’t “become a germaphobe”. If I don’t actively work at it, I fall into cycles of stuff like that. TLDR: When I was in the mental h*spital I was diagnosed Bpd, Bipolar with psychotic features, and anxiety. I think I have Bipolar, Adhd, Autism, and something to do with compulsions.

Top reply
    • prettyitaly

      315d

      I was recently diagnosed BPD and PTSD after years of having a bipolar diagnosis that I didn't feel was right. I've recently been doing my own research on high functioning autism bc a lot of symptoms overlap with BPD. I relate to a lot of what you are saying but I do know that I experienced a lot of childhood trauma from abuse which leads me to believe it is BPD but I feel like something else is going on too bc I'm hyper aware of my emotions but still can't control them. I disassociate quite a bit and I always feel like I'm in a movie from the narrator's perspective. Besides prazosin for vivid dreams I don't take any medication bc I'm scared it will make me worse. I'm just here to say I understand what you are going through and you aren't alone and I wish I had answers for both of us ❤️

    • prettyitaly

      315d

      I was recently diagnosed BPD and PTSD after years of having a bipolar diagnosis that I didn't feel was right. I've recently been doing my own research on high functioning autism bc a lot of symptoms overlap with BPD. I relate to a lot of what you are saying but I do know that I experienced a lot of childhood trauma from abuse which leads me to believe it is BPD but I feel like something else is going on too bc I'm hyper aware of my emotions but still can't control them. I disassociate quite a bit and I always feel like I'm in a movie from the narrator's perspective. Besides prazosin for vivid dreams I don't take any medication bc I'm scared it will make me worse. I'm just here to say I understand what you are going through and you aren't alone and I wish I had answers for both of us ❤️

    • princess71

      623d

      I have autism and I relate to your post immensely and i’ve been told i have a weird awareness of my disorders how they affect me and others yet i still can’t control them

    • Breezefire

      629d

      Would you be able to find a trauma-focused therapist? I've dealt with a lot of these problems for years, and have thought I may have ADHD since about middle/high school, and had already been trying to cope with depression and anxiety as an adolescent. Turns out a lot of ADHD symptoms overlap with PTSD/C-PTSD symptoms. In fact, BPD and DPDR (dissociative disorders in general, really) all have roots in being trauma responses. Neurodivergent folks also tend to endure a higher amount of childhood trauma, which helps compound all those issues with ASD. All said and done, it could be a bunch of things, but the trigger/aggravating factor for these disorders may well be related. Best of luck. 💕

      • Mbgjvb

        625d

        @Breezefire that actually makes a lot of sense. I had a therapist, but wasn’t able to keep up with the fees. I might try again though now that I have a better idea of what to talk about and what to look for in a therapist :3 Thank you so much for your response. It helps so much!!! :3 💙💙💙 /gen

☝ This content is generated by our users and it is not a substitute for professional medical advice. Please consult with your physician before making any medical decision

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