BPD Diagnosis Doesn't Add Up: Fear of Abandonment?

I've been diagnosed with BPD twice but some things don't add up - like the "fear of abandonment" must show up differently for me. Instead of fear, instead of begging people to stay or making a scene, I get cold, distant, and it's more like a "I've accepted you're definitely gonna leave eventually so, whatever." Of course this is in illogical situations and I don't WANT people to leave/ignore me, cuz if they do, I explode but not necessarily with "PLEASE STAY". I've found comfort in being alone since childhood so, maybe that's why?