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Is it weird that we don't like to split or switch often?

Luxxy

109d

Is it really that weird that we don't like to split much or switch often? So often whenever one of us has complained about being blurry, or wondering if someone is a new alter or not, we've just been told "Who cares? Just say you're that alter and roll with it" or "Who cares? Just split" To be fair this advice has usually come from polyfrag systems where maybe that sort of thing is more normal for them, but to us, we're NOT polyfrag. (not trying to generalize polyfrag systems tho!!) Keeping a sense of identity and organization is really important to us, so ofc we ruminate Hard on whether or not we've split or not, and switching isn't always easy for us. However we've also kinda felt like other systems think we Shouldn't find that important.... we've even felt maybe a bit belittled for not wanting to switch out 5 times a day or split 3 new alters a month. We can't "just split" and you can't ask "Who cares?" because WE do. WE care about the ins and outs of OUR system. Our latest ex would even attempt to pressure us sometimes to split just so alters of theirs could date the alter they wanted us to split. Are we the weird ones for finding that weird?? It's not something we can control, let alone for something so not serious. If we wanted to kindate, we'd just call it that. Having roles to play and a sense of identity keeps us grounded and functional. We don't personally feel like we're particularly hindered by that mindset, despite the challenges it can bring. But because it does come with those challenges, we've had other systems imply that that IS a bad way for us to feel about ourselves, and we're preventing our own healing. But we think ANY mental illness comes with challenges and DID isn't exempt... it's not always just fun and games for us. We don't want to roleplay as ourselves and treat our trauma and the resulting mental illness as something frivolous. It's not that we NEVER switch, nor do we not allow each other to switch, or we never split. We just don't do it often. And we don't feel a need to change? But what do you guys think? Are we just being stuck in our ways, and there really is evidence to suggest that more switching/splitting is good? Or are we just fine as we are, and we shouldn't try to conform to what other systems think we should do? (note: we are currently in therapy, and do talk to our therapist about our DID!)

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Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID)

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    • AnimalBoy

      74d

      @Luxxy yeah that is pretty weird tbh. With my partner system even when we are doing a match making thing it is with existing alters that will function and get along the best with the alter in question not making a new one. And when it comes to alters that romanticize or sexualize their trauma it takes a very precise way of handling things, you cant just pop out to be hostile bc a traumatized alter likes the hostility as a coping mechanism, you have to make sure that alter and other system members feel safe, welcomed, and loved while making consent and autonomy a #1 priority during *sessions* of hostility or the alter ends up retraumatized and the rest of the system ends up hating whoever's doing that to them. It cant really be a near exact replica of the abusive situation without also being an abusive situation if the key elements of a power imbalance and control over the other's autonomy and consent aren't addressed properly

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    • Luxxy

      85d

      I'm sorry for replying so so late...! I appreciate you taking the time to give such a genuine response :) But yeah, I really do feel like in my past relationship, DID was treated more like a fun game than a genuine illness most of the time. And they really tried to hammer THEIR experiences and perspectives into us just for their own wants... but if I'm being honest, those wants were pretty unrealistic looking back. I thought that what we were doing was the right thing, even if we did struggle sometimes: grounding, control, organizing, etc were things we felt were integral to maintaining a healthy system, and our therapist agreed and is helping us with us. And yet we were pretty often belittled for it! So I'm glad that it isn't just us being the odd one out here. We've definitely gotten better about handling being blurry over time; every so often it REALLY gets to us (usually when I forget my meds), but 9 times out of 10 we just try to ride out the inconvenience of being totally out of it Thank you for the activity suggestion! We'll try it out :)

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    • AnimalBoy

      100d

      Yeah yikes? That sounds like a lot of the systems you've been around aren't really the healthiest. As a polyfragmented system it's still important for us to organize our identities and it has been a vital part of unpacking and managing our trauma. Having a better understanding of each alters needs and skills has been important in implementing functional multiplicity and that starts with being able to tell who's who, I use Simply Plural for organization. Also splitting is almost always uncomfortable, painful, or traumatic. It's an awful experience even when it is necessary and isn't really what I'd consider a good thing. Splitting most often happens as a trauma response, in your case maybe even a trauma response to being pressure to split, but even for those who have been able to implement it in other ways still feel report discomfort or pain doing so. I also dont really like switching multiple times a day but most importantly I dont like switching with no structure. Switching can be disorienting or uncomfortable and if the alter I switch to is having trouble fronting it can cause pain, but I do like being able to plan who is fronting to match their abilities to the tasks of the day, of course with wiggle room or back ups for them to back out if something is wrong. I frequently assign specific days to specific people and plan the tasks that need to get done on that day, as well as some recreational time and time with our partner system so they dont burn out. It can be extremely tiring to switch at random especially if its because of a trigger but it can also be exhausting to be one alter for an extended period of time especially when that involves having that alter to do tasks they arent good at or dont understand.

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      • Luxxy

        85d

        @AnimalBoy Sorry for the late response...! Looking back I think you're right. I can't really explain what was going through any of their heads, but it really doesn't bode well with us that they wouldn't just respect what was going on in ours. I'm glad to know though that I'm not the only system who is keen on having roles and being organized; even in polyfrag systems. I didn't want to generalize polyfrag systems based on people who rubbed us the wrong way, and in a weird way it's a relief to know that no... they were just being weird and flippant. We've had splits that were horribly traumatic at worst, and splits that were confusing, frustrating, or off-putting at best. We don't LOVE the feeling and we don't want to force ourselves to go through it just for some bit :S As a specific example of something weird and sort of bit-like, our recent alter is in a way a trauma holder in the sense that he romanticizes abuse towards him/us; I suppose it's our weird way of recontextualizing the real things that have happened to us, and taking our maladaptive outlooks and separating them off into their own box. However, like, almost IMMEDIATELY after he split, our ex split an introject of a character that's specifically abusive to the character our introject got his namesake from, and started doting on him in a rather violent way. Which like... that timing IS weird, right? I really struggle to imagine that her brain decided that for its own health, it'd split a character that Very Coincidentally is a sort of "perfect match" for ours, and has no other role than to act surface-level hostile to specifically him. And it was so weird because it was like this introject was Acting like it was giving ours what he wanted, but frankly, she was entirely missing the mark while also being fully committed to the concept. Like they didn't actually fully grasp the gravity of his feelings or perspective, they just wanted to play around with him. I just really can't personally grasp how some systems are able to pop out alters for funsies or at least for no good reason. I suppose I mean no offense to said systems, because no human being is the exact same, but it's pretty frustrating when they try to impose that onto our system... it's really off-putting. We don't want to play matchmaker, we want to cope with trauma. Being able to assign specific days to alters sounds like a great way to cope; our switches are pretty situational so sadly for us, it's a "we deal with it when it comes" type deal. But at least when it comes, it USUALLY matches the situation. Whether it's to deal with a strong emotion, or to give someone a needed break.

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        • AnimalBoy

          74d

          @Luxxy yeah that is pretty weird tbh. With my partner system even when we are doing a match making thing it is with existing alters that will function and get along the best with the alter in question not making a new one. And when it comes to alters that romanticize or sexualize their trauma it takes a very precise way of handling things, you cant just pop out to be hostile bc a traumatized alter likes the hostility as a coping mechanism, you have to make sure that alter and other system members feel safe, welcomed, and loved while making consent and autonomy a #1 priority during *sessions* of hostility or the alter ends up retraumatized and the rest of the system ends up hating whoever's doing that to them. It cant really be a near exact replica of the abusive situation without also being an abusive situation if the key elements of a power imbalance and control over the other's autonomy and consent aren't addressed properly

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    • SeerClub

      109d

      Hey I am a polyfrag system but I think a lot like you. From my understanding you want to avoid spilting when you can. Splitting is when you don’t have the support you need for a traumatic situation. If you don’t need to split then you won’t. It isn’t something you can control. Also your ex seems to be trying to take advantage of your system and that isn’t healthy to want you to spilt or for them not to care about what is important to you. For me personally despite being polyfrag I have only had one split in the last two years and it was devastating for our system. We already have a lot to keep track of. I will also say we don’t switch often unless we have to aka we can’t control it. We switch when our subconscious thinks we should not when we want. So you not switching often is a completely normal way to have DID. It all depends on how you had to survive. If keeping track is what you want I will be honest and say that it’s going to be hard to do 100% of the time, but you should be allowed to do so. Also for those times you are blurry using grounding techniques are exactly what you are supposed to do and trying to not dissociate so hard you create a new alter. But I will say this if you are grounded enough but are blurry don’t stress about it too much, I’ve seen it take over some peoples lives. If you can function go with it and eventually you will remember who you are. If you are struggling, ask yourself questions about things you like or do an activity that you find fun it may help you figure out who you are in those moments.

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☝ This content is generated by our users and it is not a substitute for professional medical advice. Please consult with your physician before making any medical decision

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