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Elytra

674d

Hey fellow DID systems, I've got a question. Do any of you have an extreme difficulty in expressing themselves in a permanent way? For us it's mostly online, we have so much difficulty posting anything because every alter expresses themselves differently. So often whoever is fronting would go back to look at a post and feel repulsed by what someone else wrote. It feels so strange to say but I'm curious if other systems experience the same thing. For context our system is very large (hundreds of alters)

    • ryce

      673d

      dudes we 100% have this happen and it's actually such a struggle, especially because we're autistic and have always had severe social anxiety + ocd, we also tend to forget the "social rules" of social media, and then get incredibly anxious about commiting some faux pau or something that otherwise wouldn't "sound like ourselves", which is just arbitrary because of how often we tend to switch. some of us will see something later and often be like "ahhh that was too cringe never doing that again" and it's just this Deep sense of shame over something that we likely didn't even do anything wrong, but it feels out of character for us and like we shouldn't have done it. we struggle to use social media at all because of this and often avoid it and avoid using it and even talking about or persuing our interests. even on our account only systems follow, we struggle to remember to use it and often feel as if we'll do or say something "wrong". theres a lot more that goes into it for us but i sweaaaar i get this problem

      • Elytra

        673d

        @ryce omfg that's exactly how we feel. You put it into words better than we ever could. We have so much anxiety over how people perceive us and if something feels wrong or off it almost makes us panic. It gives such a deep sense of revulsion and that something is wrong and we delete it half the time. We stopped even commenting on social media years ago unless it's to have a conversation on an interest where we don't have to say anything that could define us as an identity. It's like we strive for entire anonymity sometimes. I've been thinking about it quite a bit lately

        • ryce

          672d

          @Elytra 100% same!!!! It effects our relationships a lot too /: especially starting them. identity and how people perceive us is something we HUGELY obsess over and have for years as is, but with us knowing we're a system know and can be So different it's hard to let ourselves be perceived anywhere. using this app is the most "commenting" we've done anywhere in years, it always feels weird or like our input isn't necessary on most apps too. our anxiety and identity confusion and general plurality all kind of play a part 😅

    • lots_of_taffy

      673d

      I feel you!! Recently, I've been trying to get some of my headmates to appear more overt, because it's their body too. I want them to know that they don't have to hide themselves all the time. We aren't openly a system online, so most people assume we are a singlet. With people assuming we're all one person, if one alter posts something they find funny and then another alter finds it cringey, they wouldn't want people to associate that with them, so they just delete it. It really hurts when you're the one who's posts gets deleted 💀

      • Elytra

        673d

        @lots_of_taffy yeah we entirely get that. It doesn't even have to be cringey for real, if it just doesn't sound like "us" we delete it. We're only openly a system with specific people. This is the first we've openly been a system outside of discord groups. Feels weird tbh but we don't feel scared to post as much

    • fakeosphere

      674d

      it was that way when we were younger and organizing the matrix so to speak, and some days it's still very archaic and we'll literally flow from front to back without even realizing what happened until later. saying something and then realizing someone else said it is the certified worst.

      • Elytra

        674d

        @fakeosphere omg yes I get that entirely. We have those moments where someone will say something and then someone else in the front will cringe and take over. We're definitely still organizing, it's kind of overwhelming to do with so many alters but we're getting better by the day. The days where we flow back to front with no real control over it we call being soupy

        • fakeosphere

          673d

          @Elytra soupy!! that's such a good word for it... much better than using the weird pseudo technical term "merged" idk what it is about the word but that term makes me anxious. yeah though as y'all get organized (self discovery etc) that will hopefully ease. best of luck, it can take time 👍 y'all got it tho. you'll still have days where stuff happens but you'll be prepared and it won't be as cringe inducing lol

☝ This content is generated by our users and it is not a substitute for professional medical advice. Please consult with your physician before making any medical decision

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