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crys

688d

I had a mental breakdown in.. 2003. I was institutionalized three times and got an official diagnosis of paranoid schizophrenia with my last stay. paranoid schizophrenia was change to BPD in about 2017. I don't know what I'm doing I feel like I do not have BPD because I don't have any intense fear of anyone leaving me , ever. in fact I'm basically the exact opposite. I try to leave the guy I've been with for over 20 years. I mostly don't think he loves me, I'm constantly suspicious about him in various ways and I do develop intense friendships but I don't feel like I have a favorite person I don't go to therapy because I always without fail get pushed to reunite with my extremely toxic to me mother who is also a thriving, hardcore addict.. or was.. I'm not sure now. I heard she had a stroke and was supposed to be basically put into a facility because.. reasons everyone in my family is afraid of me because I snapped on my grandma once. I didn't touch her but I was yelling a lot and just losing my shit completely.. in 2003. most family members of they happen upon me in the community it's not a hey hello to me it's "have you taken your medicine?". no joke. in over 20 years I've never once answered no. my elderly dog is freaking out. I have to wrap this basically rant up so.. thanks to whoever this

Top reply
    • crys

      683d

      @Doggy thank you

    • crys

      683d

      I never saw people as disposable but I was passed around from family member to family member just wherever I wanted to live, basically, starting when I was like 11. I don't know if I'm supposed to say stuff like that I'm pretty I have BPD just from reading what you said. I have a lot of doubts, suspicions, etc.. but when I was diagnosed with schizophrenia the lady said I was "obviously talking to people who weren't there" or something like that lol but I definitely wasn't. I was staring at the ground just answering her questions the best I could. It was really frustrating. It was like 2001.. idk right now I'm tired. I have a lot of issues when I'm sleepy or hungry so I'm trying to take good care of myself. Which I'm not right now because I have ocd and I won't oh and ahd and I forgot to take my med and ok Bye & Thank you. โœŒ๏ธ๐Ÿ„๐ŸŽˆ๐ŸŒป๐Ÿดโ€โ˜ ๏ธ๐Ÿ›น๐Ÿ’š

    • crys

      683d

      well at least I TRY to be rational lol I don't know how great I am at it all of the time I think I'm going to study up some more on BPD. Quite BPD is maybe the one I have. I have visual distortions but no out of place visual hallucinations I do have a half sister I found out about when I was like 11 who has full blown schizophrenia. She the last I knew permanently lives in a home This country is so traumatized I've taken to calling it trauma nation ๐Ÿ˜ฌ

    • Doggy

      688d

      Not to be contrary but you do seem to have symptoms in common with bpd. Trying to drop a stable relationship due to suspicion, is called splitting and its very common in bpd. It means your partner is your fp and you're seeing him as either a perfect angel or a devious villain depending on the situation. Ironically this is a sign the relationship is probably going pretty well. The better a relationship is, the more freaked out it makes us, because there is a bigger and bigger disaster if we lose them... So we try to lose them on purpose to get it over with and have some modicum of control. We resent the power they have over us and fear them using it to manipulate us. Let me guess, you immediately regret it when you push him away, right? That's how bpd is. If any of this sounds familiar, this is your sign. And if you do have bpd, your arsenal should include affirmations, deep breathing, walking away to calm down during stress with him, and thinking carefully about what you know vs what you assume. Especially affirmations. Your self-esteem being built up will help you a lot with your partner. As for your family, I'm sorry, there is no solution to bad family. But you can at least change therapists, or tell them! You're allowed to say "I won't talk to my mom so don't ask." And next time someone asks if you've taken your meds, tell them you'd prefer if they said hello. They deserve to deal with the fact that they're making you uncomfortable. If it were me, I probably would have responded with "I don't know, have you taken YOUR meds? Stop being gross." to see if they come up with new dialogue or are stuck as NPCs. You don't owe them a straight answer. Your meds are your business. Good luck!

โ˜ This content is generated by our users and it is not a substitute for professional medical advice. Please consult with your physician before making any medical decision

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