Feeling Trapped and Hopeless in My Own Home

I'm sorry this is kind of a vent, but I really don't know what to do anymore. I'm just so tired of feeling like this, feeling afraid of my own family, feeling so hurt all the time. I can't do this anymore. I feel like if I stay one second in this house I'm going to break down. I want to leave, I want to get out of here and book a flight to somewhere far away and just end it. I can't stay here, I can't keep feeling afraid every time my mom even is in the same house as me. my therapist says I'm "hypervigilant" and it's really tiring and I don't want to do this anymore. even if I get out of this house, I just don't want to keep going with this life. I felt like this when I was 7, I feel like this now. it's like I'm a dead person walking, someone who shouldn't be here but still somehow is. I cant sh because its getting too hot for hoodies and stuff, and I don't want to have to deal with my mom being nice to me and making me feel guilty for not liking her just for her to hurt me again. I don't know what to do anymore, I'm just so desperate