BPD Diagnosis Doesn't Add Up: Fear of Abandonment?

I had a mental breakdown in.. 2003. I was institutionalized three times and got an official diagnosis of paranoid schizophrenia with my last stay. paranoid schizophrenia was change to BPD in about 2017. I don't know what I'm doing I feel like I do not have BPD because I don't have any intense fear of anyone leaving me , ever. in fact I'm basically the exact opposite. I try to leave the guy I've been with for over 20 years. I mostly don't think he loves me, I'm constantly suspicious about him in various ways and I do develop intense friendships but I don't feel like I have a favorite person I don't go to therapy because I always without fail get pushed to reunite with my extremely toxic to me mother who is also a thriving, hardcore addict.. or was.. I'm not sure now. I heard she had a stroke and was supposed to be basically put into a facility because.. reasons everyone in my family is afraid of me because I snapped on my grandma once. I didn't touch her but I was yelling a lot and just losing my shit completely.. in 2003. most family members of they happen upon me in the community it's not a hey hello to me it's "have you taken your medicine?". no joke. in over 20 years I've never once answered no. my elderly dog is freaking out. I have to wrap this basically rant up so.. thanks to whoever this

I'm starting to have bad spouts of BPD again 😔 Growing up in the foster care system did a toll on my emotional, and mental health. I have overwhelmed doubts and fears of abandonment (all the time) still even in my adult years. I'm constantly afraid to get too close or comfortable with people because I know when it's all said and done they're just going to end up walking out of my life anyway so why not get an early start of pushing them away before the bridge even comes tumbling down. 😔 I don't want to continue feeling like this because I know I'm stronger now, wiser, much better than I was before and im still a working progress. I just want to finally be able to feel genuinely wanted, needed, accepted, loved, ME!🥀

What are some ways you handle the fear of abandonment?