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Leebit

743d

So it's obviously extremely common to be horrified at the idea of being abandoned. I've had my fair share of needing validation to ensure I'm still okay for people to talk with. But does anyone try to abandon others before they're abandoned themselves? I've also had my fair share of this. Blocking someone, avoiding their messages, becoming short/annoyed with them, slowly pushing away, etc. It's so strange considering how I'm afraid of having nobody, but sometimes I just feel like me being quiet and unavailable is easier. I like being alone but I hate being lonely. Like wth. 😩

Top reply
    • diamondmama

      728d

      I'm still not sure I agree with my diagnosis of BPD but I definitely keep people at a distance, and yet feel lonely because there's no one around.

    • diamondmama

      728d

      I'm still not sure I agree with my diagnosis of BPD but I definitely keep people at a distance, and yet feel lonely because there's no one around.

    • threehottamales

      729d

      Same. Typical bpd.

    • Boobear98

      739d

      I did this with my fiance when we first started seeing each other. I have always had people leave me, so I kept telling him he would eventually leave me or I would hurt him in some way. He continued to tell me that he isnt going to run. It was really hard to build trust, but it eventually came.

      • SparkleFlyer

        729d

        @Boobear98 this is what my girlfriend is doing for me right now. She is constantly letting me know she isn’t going anywhere. It’s starting to sink in.

    • Heavysleeper

      740d

      100% When my BPD was at its worse I was isolating and pushing others away based on the fear that they would eventually leave anyway. If you haven’t yet, I highly suggest DBT !! It’s a lot of work and it’s intense, but it made such a difference in my life

    • Glockensphele

      740d

      I find I “abandon others” or atleast think I am by not texting them or something for a few hours. But ALWAYS cave in after a few hours. Guess it’s how I cry for help? 😅

    • TinyTim1918

      742d

      Ooh, that actually kinda hurts given my recent post about feeling guilty about getting engaged.

    • SparkleFlyer

      743d

      This is actually really common. Most of us have an anxious attachment system. It’s very typical for us to “hurt/abandon others before they can do it to us”. Check out the book Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help YouFind - and Keep - Love https://a.co/j5gmuhJ

      • Leebit

        743d

        @SparkleFlyer Thank you for that! I'll be sure to check it out.

☝ This content is generated by our users and it is not a substitute for professional medical advice. Please consult with your physician before making any medical decision

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