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TaetaeRyn

460d

I thought I might have dependent personality disorder, but I’ve been learning about quiet borderline personality disorder and that lines up point for point with my life. It’s like, I struggle with the same mood swings and splitting and such that the usual BPD presentation does, but it’s all internalized and directed at myself. One of the hardest things for me is explaining how I feel to people because since I hide it all the time, no one understands how painful it really is or they think I’m just exaggerating. So I just never tell people when I get triggered or am feeling so depressed I can barely move, and do my best to act like I’m completely fine anytime someone might be able to see me. I feel like a waste of space and like my problems are a waste of others’ energy, so I have to mold myself to keep them emotionally stable while completely disregarding my own emotions. I often feel like I’m living in a dream or playing a character, like my life isn’t quite real in some way, I think as a way to allow myself to suppress my feelings. One of the biggest reasons I didn’t think I had BPD was because I almost never get angry, at least at anyone other than myself. And on the few occasions I do lash out, I feel immediate shame and guilt and the anger triples as it turns inward. But one of the characteristics of quiet BPD is suppressed anger, which is definitely what I’m doing. Anyone else relate to this? Just want to see if there are others on this app who experience something similar.

☝ This content is generated by our users and it is not a substitute for professional medical advice. Please consult with your physician before making any medical decision

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