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Nethaniel

832d

What are some ways you handle the fear of abandonment?

Top reply
    • asparagus

      832d

      My girlfriend and I broke up in October and I was the one to do it. I put it off for so long because I was scared of her leaving. But in the end, acting on things based on my fear of being alone just prolonged things and made them worse. As far as out and out abandonment, if someone is going to abandon you they're going to do it. It's unfortunate and no one likes it. It makes me scream and cry and throw a fit but no matter how much I cry they don't come back. So the best thing I can do is hold my friends and family close and try to move on. I know that isn't the answer you wanted to hear but that's how it is in my experience.

    • brianbun

      831d

      just like the person above, i've been struggling a lot with clinging to my FP lately, and it's my boyfriend. we've been in a serious relationship for a year and a half, but i just recently got diagnosed with BPD. the symptoms have been present for about a year, though. i cling to him so much, and he says he doesn't mind and it makes him feel loved, but i realize that i definitely rely on his company and his presence WAAAY too much!! and i get so scared that if i don't text him throughout the ENTIRE day, he will think i hate him and leave. i think what has helped me is just realizing that if he really is going to abandon me, it will happen, and i'm doing my best and i can't do anything to prevent that. i know it's kinda harsh, but it's seriously the only thing that has helped me, not only with abandonment fears, but making sure i make time for myself. it's very hard, and some days are going to be worse than others, but realizing that i can't control who stays and goes in my life at times helps, even if it really sucks. but just learning to be grateful for and cherish those few people i do have that have stuck around helps me realize that not everybody is out to abandon me! :)

    • asparagus

      832d

      I'm having trouble lately with being clingy with my FP (favorite person). It's my best friend and I don't really feel at rest unless I'm in her company. She's reminded me so many times that she loves me when I continually question it. Over time I've adjusted with her and come to find that if I don't say anything to her she still likes me the next day. She'll text me first if I just give her the chance to. Clinginess can be shooting yourself in the foot but I understand it's a behavior that's hard to get away from. The way I work on it is just take a little bit away at a time. When I get the urge to ask if she hates me I instead don't ask and let the conversation continue and after a bit I usually see some evidence that she doesn't hate me. It's about having a small bit of faith to test things like that. Just make small little changes and be a hair less clingy and see how things are still okay when you do. It's a slow process but don't give up hope. Life dealt us a bad hand but there are ways to live a fulfilling life still yet.

    • Nethaniel

      832d

      It just feels so hard to maintain any sort of relationship. I can't stop my worrying and leaves me in a place where I become so clingy and then they ultimately leave me.

    • asparagus

      832d

      My girlfriend and I broke up in October and I was the one to do it. I put it off for so long because I was scared of her leaving. But in the end, acting on things based on my fear of being alone just prolonged things and made them worse. As far as out and out abandonment, if someone is going to abandon you they're going to do it. It's unfortunate and no one likes it. It makes me scream and cry and throw a fit but no matter how much I cry they don't come back. So the best thing I can do is hold my friends and family close and try to move on. I know that isn't the answer you wanted to hear but that's how it is in my experience.

☝ This content is generated by our users and it is not a substitute for professional medical advice. Please consult with your physician before making any medical decision

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