Struggling to Express My Needs in My Relationship

I’m not sure if it’s emotional maturity since sometimes physical and mental state just don’t sync well. Grogginess is very hard to shake, and I think my people pleasing anxiety and my depression saying “drop your satisfaction to help” helps me snap to attention to aid others no matter how small or large their crisis (provided I’m reachable). I am reliable in the sense of if I’m awake or if you can wake me, I will focus all of my attention on you in this moment. But my downfalls are scattered attention so unless I happen to be checking my phone or in your vicinity, I can be hard to reach, and I have a tendency to take sporadic depression naps so my sleep schedule is jacked. I also cannot help financially or provide assistance when it comes to transportation. My partner is not as able to sacrifice his current state of mind at a drop of a hat, and if I have a problem at night I can’t wake him unless it’s an emergency and there’s a massive problem. That being said, he is financially dependable and can help in a bind at the sacrifice of his own spare change, and even though he hates driving he will drop what he’s doing if I need to be somewhere or need to be picked up. He’s not great at sitting and listening, and his short term memory is spotty so he isn’t able to retain trauma dumps very well, but he will be as supportive as I know he can be and although he can’t soothe with words he tries gifts and cuddles. My point, if your partner cares for you then it could be that what you need in a crisis isn’t what they’re able to give but they’re doing their best in other ways. I think before you have the conversation, you frame it less about what your sacrifices have been and focus more on saying “I know that it’s difficult to wake up when I need you, but there’s gotta be something we can do so I don’t feel like I’m struggling alone.” I also am not a user, but I think the being able to sober up enough to help may just be a sort of miracle thing and although it might be nice to clarify that you weren’t also having a bad high, I’m not sure using that as a topic point will feel like anything more than “you ruined my high” which is what your description reads like. Don’t get me wrong, it absolutely sucks when you feel great but have to sacrifice that to help someone, but you might want to think of an instance of this that doesn’t involve drugs, unless it’s a regular thing for you to have to sober up to help.

that's a difficult topic to speak to because if you aren't careful, they could take it as an attack on their character. I think it's important to keep in mind that not everybody is able to show up for others in the exact same way. instead of focusing on what they aren't doing for you, maybe you could try thinking about the things that they are able to do for you. Maybe they don't show up for you in exactly the same way but if there are needs of yours that are not being met, try bringing that up in the moment when you are in need- hopefully that will lead to a productive conversation about how you can better show up for each other. If this person simply isn't able to show up for you the way you need after a few conversations on the topic, it may be time to consider that you just may not be compatible.

You aren't a bad person at all. You're just emotionally more mature & you have natural intuition.