Struggling to Support My Friends While Dealing with Chronic Pain and Mental Health Issues

I feel this way too. I had a domino effect happen after a friendship went nuclear and from there I just fell apart as more and more went to hell. I'm still reeling from it all and seeing that no one was capable of putting in the same amount of work or effort I did was painful. When they needed me I put everything into helping. When I needed them I was abandoned. Worse, it's like the second I couldn't perform at the same level as i had for so long they started misreading me and making wrong assumptions. It wad like they forgot who I was and why I fid things. Friendships I've had for 15+ years and suddenly they forgot that I operate a bit differently but all it takes is a moment to ask. Instead they decided who I was without even consulting me. Now I'm just so tired and sick to my heart. I'm falling apart even as I'm pushing myself to keep it together.

I also suffer from chronic pain and anxiety and depression. I'm under stress a lot at home to do things for other people. What helps me is to use my boundaries and reserve time for myself for self care, hobbies, exercise, and rest. Sometimes you can't always be there for everyone. I have a lot of friends and they understand if I don't talk to them in awhile I try to limit my friends phone calls to twice a week. If they are good friends they will understand if you have a lot on your plate and need more time for yourself.

I completely understand. I feel the same way. I used to drop everything when someone asked me for help. To the point of neglecting my own needs. Nowadays, it's all I can do to just take care of daily tasks. I barely have the energy for that, so I have none to give to anyone else. I feel terrible when I can't be there for them. It hurts when they get mad at me over it. Bottom line is that we have to put ourselves first. We have to advocate for our own needs. When someone gets mad because we can't be there at the drop of a pin, it is not our fault. We should not feel bad because of it.

It's all too easy to be there for others and neglect ourselves. Just remember that you are important and you need to be there for yourself just as you've been there for others. We all need support and sometimes we can only get it from ourselves

Exactly! How are you going to be there for others if you are struggling yourself. If you communicate with them reminding them about what's going on(and it's obnoxiously repetitive I know), which I've had to do and continue to do, with those who don't have pain or other issues, THEY NEVER REMEMBER. If they don't understand then you may have to make some new friends and if it's family...you may have some harder decisions to make. I kept going through a cycle of being treated like shit but going back to those doing it because they were gaslighting me to think it was all me. If you don't know what gaslighting truly is, in all aspects, I would look it up . It flipped a switch for me. I realized how much time and energy I wasted on bad friends.

I understand first hand what you mean. There is nothing wrong with needing time to let yourself rest. You can't give them what you dont have. Take some time to care for yourself and recover. Once you've done that you may not feel perfect but you'll feel closer to your normal self and able to help again. Buy helping yourself has to come first. You'll feel bad at first but once you start getting back on track you'll know it was worth it