Setting Boundaries with a Needy Friend

Sorry you're going through that.

I hear you. I live with someone who refuses help from everyone including me. They talk about what they want in the future but have no concept of what it takes to get there or that it requires change on their part. If their rock bottom doesn't require change, they can continue on forever. It really is an impossible person to help because they don't want to change and they think everything is fine. I went to therapy for years; I do Zoom meetings in front of them which never ask for your ID or even verify your real name. This person thinks everyone else needs to change to suit them. I was told not to fart while they were eating. This was a tiny little toot that escaped because I have digestive issues which I have told them before and they do not appear to have memory issues. I am sorry if your friend is also resistant to change. Be there when you can, but don't stress. The fact that you worry means you are a good friend for caring. Don't hesitate to set boundaries.

"You wouldn't ask me to do this on a broken leg, so please respect that I can't do it in mu current state, either." If you think they'd listen, might be worth explaining the spoon theory

You have no obligation to be there for them like that. Constantly being there for someone and practically being responsible for their mental well-being is extremely damaging to your own mental health. If your friend can't accept that your own health and time is important too, it's time to stop being friends with them and find friends who actually respect you.

I'm my experience, you can't be responsible for another person's mental health, even if you were completely healthy and able bodied. If someone isn't willing to help their own situation/ mental health, you can't do anything much more than put a bandaid on the problem.