Elaborate

Misophonia

I see when my friends/family/relationships get tired of having to take me to the ER or that I have a ton of doctors appointments. It makes me feel even worse than I already do.

Most people can't understand. That doesn't mean that we're abnormal, unlucky, or crazy. It's their problem. They are either narrow minded or clueless. Usually it's clueless. Remember that they are the ones with the shortcoming.

That it’s not all in my head.

how much i put an effort into socializing and daily chores

Everything. That I need a therapist, assessment, mental help, possible suicide help, everything

That trying to fit into an able body world os not something I can do.

I hate that my parents don’t understand mental health problems when they clearly have some themselves. They don’t get that I’ve been given everything they have to deal with and more. They think I’ve done well in the past coping with everything but the fact is that I’ve always felt like this, I’ve just been better at hiding how hard it is so that they don’t have to be in pain for me. So now that I am lacking the will to hide it they think I just need to get up and do more in order to “feel normal” again. Unfortunately I don’t think there’s such thing as normal. Maybe we weren’t meant to be normal. But then how do we live?

😥

What I have to go through mentally to handle a day

Is so dificult to deal with pain and stilll go to work and deal with co workers and lisent to the stupet coment and have no hard filings for oders god help me

Dealing with daily pain, muscle spasms, numbness, tingling, etc, stuff that would make others not even be able to move. But dealing with it without medication and not letting on that I'm even in pain.

Hi

How the things they say hurt me

That I’m trying my hardest with the tools that I have, but I need more support and tailored care.

When I look at my phone it’s not being rude I am escaping a situation the way I know how too

How hard it is for me to be understanding when no one tries to understand me

That my panic attacks and anxious intrusive thoughts aren’t a choice

How jealous I am of healthy people 😥

That I'm trying as much as I can and even when I say I'm fine I'm not really fine right now. I'm trying my hardest but whenever I try and talk to someone it's almost as if they are trying to compare theirs to mine and they have to have it worse. I don't even think my stepmom or dad have even realized I haven't eaten since Monday..

How hard it is to make myself breath again everyday

That the things that make me “weird” are just a product of my disorders

How bad all of it has contributed to my PTSD

How politics is a sham show and were worse off than medieval Peasants

How hard it is to get out of bed and find the energy to keep fighting because sometimes all hope seems lost.

That I've been through crap that they might never go through

Its hard for me to process things sometimes. I feel a wall between me and the physical world at times. Its like someone throwing a ball at you and you catch it for a second but it slips out of your hand and bounces further away

That were not looking for attention, seeing isn't always believing and I don't have to prove anything to you for you to be able to believe me

How my pain is CONSTANT. I’m always hurting to some extent.

How tired I am of being alive. To the point where I feel like my good days are a lie and I simply do not want to do this anymore 95% of the time, but I act like I do so they don’t have to feel bad

That we don’t want to be like this.

They don't get that we didn't decide one day to try out our mental disorders from a menu on a board and keep them. Just choose happiness? Why on earth didn't I think of that?! I choose to be defeated by major depression with psychosis, anxiety/panic disorder, PTSD, ADHD, borderline personality disorder with fibromyalgia as the cherry on top 🍒 I choose not to do anything it's not lack of motivation at all, no, I'm lazy yep.

Sensory overload

That I’m not lazy. I just lack motivation because I lack a will to live most of the time

That my pain is not “normal” That I have value which is not attached to my ability to do things That I’ve ALWAYS shown the executive dysfunction of someone who’s “getting old” That my immense talent does not correlate to the ability to keep a job 🫠

I have reasons not just excuses.

how hard I’m trying

How I want to go off my meds and be happy about it.

How to love unconditionally

How hard I have to fight my own brane and body to do anything and how tring emotional and physical it is

That my base level is not the same as theirs and I already push through almost everything

🙏

That there is an answer it's just there's lots of people who have made the Answer look horrible when in reality the Answer is amazing, my life is proof of it. There is a light at the end of the tunnel and it's not will I make it it's when.

Having to come to the realization I will never be able to be independent. I will always have to rely on someone to help me and help take care of me. PCOS has been such a burden. People don't understand wanting so badly to work a full time job and have an income for myself and when I can't, how much that takes away from who I think I should be. It affects myself image WAY more than my weight or anything else honestly. I've kind of put my identity in being able to be MYSELF (being totally independent) and I just feel at a loss. People don't understand the want to be able to just get out of bed in the morning without feeling like you've been on a 6 month binger.. the pain is real and all I want is for it to go away!

How difficult it is when a Dr doesn't take you seriously. Like I've been having heart problems for months and it got so bad today i had to go to the er i was sent by my Dr and when i got there they just gave me anxiety meds and refused to do the blood work my Dr requested because it needs done.

What I mean when I say I'm tired.

I cant be better

I’m going through addiction

I want hello for my illness but we probably don’t have money to cover the surgery and I’m way too nervous to go to the doctor. It’s gettting totes idk what to do I’ve been dealing with this for years and it’s ruining my life

The fact that I've had many life and death situations during the times I had four heart surgeries as a kid. I basically went through hell and back.

How hard it is to fight voices in your head

I feel like people don't really understand how much pain I'm in, and my house is suffering, but no one wants to help me.

Missing important events isn’t something I want to do - I would be there if I could.

How hard it is to get out of bed some days... My pain is constant, so it's a struggle.

That my kidney disease and dialysis aren't just a vacation and me being lazy.

That some people just *CAN'T* do things like everyone else. Albeit mental or physical, either just at that point in their lives or always. Just because you can do something or know someone who eventually could, don't press that on everyone you meet. Support and encourage but don't pressure and force.

That it's not about "eating less"

How energy consuming being depressed and having social anxiety/anxiety is but also being high functioning with it. Like people don’t understand that everytime I leave my house I have to put on a happy persona how much energy that takes from you. Like I’m working two jobs and in grad school full time, I did this last semester and was burnt out by the end of the semester to the extent I literally couldn’t do anything by the time I was done. I took a month off from work and it took around 3 more months to heal from that. Now I’m only 3 weeks into this school semester and working two jobs and I already feel myself burning out. & my dad just thinks I’m just being lazy by wanting to quit my job and focus on school. and I understand why they see it that way because it’s so hard to even understand myself why it happens. Like I need time, EVEN A DAY, to breathe because it is so overwhelming.

That my bad moods are almost always due to my health symptoms 😥

How everyday is a struggle

That Hypermobility has been with me the whole time, and that i won't be fine

Life shouldn’t be as hard as it is.

that some days, i am one motion away from giving up. that the past looks so inviting. that i don't try to upset you, i actually try to do the opposite.

👍

They dont get that what they do effects me in so many ways. They're causing so much pain unintentionally but they dont understand why i care

Why I get mad when all I ask out of others is to be in the know about things.

That I'm not lazy, but just trying to survive takes so much energy that it's nearly impossible to do daily tasks like clean and cook.

That I can't explain what's wrong because even I don't know what's wrong. Just that something is wrong.

That im sorry and im changing

That Impact is bigger than Intention, and matters more.

How much their words hurt and just how much I love all of them.

that I'm exhausted no matter what and it's a struggle to just wake up and sit

That even though I can have good days doesn't mean it's always good or that I actually experienced trauma and that I'm not just "making it up" or "it's not that bad"

how quick and how much my feelings change. how i need to change with my feelings. i cant always be flexible and i try to be but sometimes i feel like they move abnormally slow and linger at places just for no reason but to feel like they spent enough time somewhere to make their trip worth it

Everything, I don't want to do anything ever and it's really hard for me to actually do things and if I don't do it to their 'standards' then I get yelled at so

That I'm not being rude when I don't respond but my brain is running through every possible outcome of how I word what I say and if it will come out offensive or hurtful or selfish and I'm trying to get it right... And by the time I do the conversation had moved on.

The fact that I cannot control or even comprehend my emotions. Everything is such extremes all the times for the smallest of reasons. I do not want to be an angry person but I cannot help it because everything is so overwhelming that it's the only way it comes out.

How living with extreme anxiety is a constant battle. 😫

That I can’t please him how he wants and how often he wants. It kills me inside and makes me feel broken. Chromic pain is one of the invisible illnesses that people don’t talk about enough.

That it is hard for me to not cry after being yelled at once or multiple times. Mainly my dad.

That I can never forget all the hateful stuff they say to me because instead of trying to be kind and empathic, it's easier to be hateful

The hallucinations and delusions. That I have no control over episodes. That it is an every second of every day thing. That I don't tell them everything because I don't want to worry them.

why i’m so afraid and why i let it bother and hinder me as much as it does. i don’t mean to, it feels as compulsory as breathing

That I work 10x harder just to appear okay.

I just can't magically get over my anxiety. If I could, don't they think I would?

Without coffee I would just sleep the day away.

its not normal to be this speechless towards them. i wish my mother wasnt so lonely so she wouldn’t project her feelings onto me. i dont like it.

That I know myself better than they do

That I’m not trying to be lazy. Activity is just such a mountain climb for me 😔

They don't get how much of a battle I have to face every day. That I have to make a conscious decision to continue to work on myself despite how much I want to lay in bed and fade away.

how difficult it is to function with anxiety: my head starts pounding, i cant think, my entire body goes numb, my chest and heart start hurting immensely. It wont be fixed by telling me to “calm down”

How much I don't want to be here because of the pain

That you’re not a friend if you’re only there for the good days.

How hard I’m trying even when it looks like I’m giving in

Why I ever feel so low like especially when I was in a very dark place

How much it hurts to try so hard to motivate yourself and improve although you are more than capable and have done it before but your subconscious prevents you from doing so due to fear of being judged abd being told you did nothing when in reality you did grow but others don't care or don't see it or they do but they put you down anyways

Adhd makes me do things I don’t want to do. Not only do I not have total control over my thoughts but I don’t have total control over my actions.

That I don't just hate working. That I'm not just lazy and not trying hard enough. That the reason I'm not throwing applications everywhere is because I could generate good work for maybe a week before a symptom flare sent me to the hospital and lost me the job, and I can't handle that happening AGAIN.

CW: weight loss/dieting mention What my parents don't get is that YES, my disorder CAN go away with weight loss but weight loss is INSANELY HARD and we are faced with LATE STAGE CAPITALISM and DOOM and I'd rather die having eaten sugary things than been a doggone ascetic my whole life for a SHOT at getting rid of my IIH

How much physical pain is causing me to become severely depressed and hopeless. It's the your lazy or you know u can do this to lose weight...it makes me cringe and wince.

Everyday isn't the same Just because a healthy person can get their to do list done everyday dosnt mean a person in pain with daily body issues can follow suit It's literally exhausting

My mental health problems

That anxiety is a natural disorder and that’s it’s okay to have

It's so true, it's hard to just exist for a lot of us. My boyfriend is very generous, and he makes plans for us every weekend. We're either going to a concert, a comedy show, a play, or another form of entertainment 2-4 times a weekend. I'm very lucky and I'm not complaining, but sometimes it's hard to physically keep up. And since event tickets are non-refundable I feel compelled to go and pay later (physically).

How hard I try to fit in only to fail miserably

How much harder it is to do things other people do with ease

Not all disabilities are the same. Even the same disabilities present differently in everyone.

How EXHAUSTING it is.

How much pain I'm in... On the outside they see the smiles but the inside they can't see the catastrophes. On the outside I look all right on the inside I'm feeling drained exhausted

The pain

How small the amount of energy I have for interactions is. It lasts longer when I’m in a comfortable setting with people I feel safe with, but I need some time to recover that energy.

I understand that what I’m thinking isn’t real or actually happening, but it feels real and I’m going to react to it as though it is real on the small chance that it might be.

I just can't stop being anxious 😥

how hard i work to exist. how my brain works. how drastically my mood can switch within a minute. me, i guess.

I wish people understood that they're not perfect either. That quite possibly their problem in which we can't see, might just be worse than the problems of someone whose you can.

How hard it is for me to talk to people or express my emotions.

The fact that I never have the energy or the motivation to do anything. I just do it because I feel obligated to.

The effort to leave my bed, the effort to do simple everyday things, the effort to be present with others, it's just completely exhausting and gets harder everyday.

How hard it is for me to "get over it" or "ask for help". Or, better yet, when they tell me that "Oh I don't see what the problem is" I'm trying, I swear, but- I can't do this everyday-

Everything

That just because something is easy for them doesn't mean it is easy for me.

How I don't know how to express how I feel cause I don't know most of the time 😳

Exactly how it hurts all the time and what’s going on in my head but I have become such a good actor . That I don’t let many people see that part of me . I don’t let them know the constant pain I’m in or the racing thoughts in my head or the anxiety and panic in my head.

How much it affects me and how hard I’m trying to get better

How difficult it is to keep myself from being an angry person :/.

why i dropped out

How much energy being alive takes sometimes. Im in so much pain so often it's hard

Poor city planning affects your health.

Everyday hurts to some extent wether it be manageable or unmanageable. The guilt that goes along with not feeling like a normal person is so deep. That you want to do so much more than you body is capable of but due to chronic Illness you can’t… the list goes on and on

I can’t just turn a switch and be healed and happy. I’m trying. I can’t just make depression and anxiety go away with the snap of my fingers.

that i cant control the way my brain works. its exhausting for me too. i dont mean to be a burden, i cant help it

that intrusive thoughts arent the quirky, trivial thing that tiktok makes them seem to be

That I'm just trying to talk. I'm not being rude, I just want to understand

sadly I can understand this. On a good day I seem normal and perky. I like that me and wish I could be her all the time. On bad days I'm moving around like an old woman wishing for a break in pain and just trying to figure out the basics. With fall and winter weather the bad outweigh the good, joy. Which is sad but at least I know what to expect if other people don't. But I know just gotta keep chugging away like the little engine that could.

They don't get how exhausting it is to get through the day. To fight and see barely any results. To see friends and family disappear because your to much to handle.

Who I am

That I'm still young and figuring stuff out. Getting good grades in school doesn't guarantee my success and doesn't mean I have everything figured out. I'm just trying to enjoy my life while I can and when I can. Tommorow isn't promised and I'm taking it slow but I'm determined to have a good time.

That just breathing is exhausting.

I am more uncapable than I make it to be. Its a mask. It’s exhausting.

Same here. 11 years and I can't do it anymore. Im Tired

that what they're doing is not helping me it's making me worse

I'm going to the doctor bc I don't feel normal or "ok" so testing me & telling me that everything is "fine" doesn't help. I came to the doctor for help...

That it's not funny to laugh at tourettes. If I'm laughing you can laugh. But if I look like I'm in pain maybe shut up.

That I’m not lying they are

My struggles

How I see and understand the world. It seems like I live in a very different world than almost everyone I've ever talked to. I feel so alienated. I don't understand the world that everyone I talk to describes. And it is so freaking hard and hurts

How certain things (words, actions) affect me and my mental and physical health

That i have symptoms i don't understand.

They don't understand that due to years of not being diagnosed and helped I now can't tell if I am trying my hardest or not. So now I feel like a failure unless I'm basically committing self harm by working too hard

How, high my anxiety gets when I'm around a bunch of people and all.I want to do is disappear

How tired I am all the time. That often times it really is impossible for me to do what people think I should do because I do not have enough energy.

That I'm doing everything I can. Some times a lot, sometimes a little, but its all I have.

How much I just want to be "normal" (functional, not in pain, mentally and emotionally stable, productive, have normal executive function, not be sick or in pain)

I'm not trying to be difficult, I'm having a difficult time. I wasn't able to read between the lines and took you seriously, i wasn't trying to stir up drama. I'm not being dramatic and exaggerating my experiences, i have heightened emotions. I'm not trying to be so heavy, my life has been heavy for me. I'm not trying to be annoying or disrespect boundaries when I ask for clarity when someone needs space, I just need detailed and consistent communication.

How much it costs me just to act fine through the work day. I rarely have energy for myself afterwards.

How much strength it takes to walk out and be able to do basic things.

"Can't you just choose to be happy/ more productive/take care of yourself more?"

Definitely how much pain I go through every day. I want them to understand but at the same time, I'm glad that they don't.

How being fatigued isn't being tired, it's like you've been unplugged & you physically cannot do things. It's not a few hours missed sleep!!!

They don't get that they say things that trigger me. Like "oh you're eating so and so, I thought you were trying to lose weight"

That they continue to and choose to misunderstand me. They won’t listen or they don’t care.

How difficult it is to not isolate myself to make their lives easier

I'm trying to do what I think is best for me.

What is behind my smile. I live with chronic pain and I won't let it stop me from living. But it hurts. I just get so tired of hurting.

That I really am trying but it's just difficult

My bf constantly asks me if I'm tired of being how I am and why I don't change. He doesn't understand the struggle just to function enough everyday.

How mentally it’s hard for me to do this ! Get up and have strength when all I want to do is cry and stay in bed

That everything is 10x harder, even if its a simple task

That they were my whole world and how much it truly hurts me the way they're treating me now.

everything

That I can't live if no one taught me how to live as an adult, just complain what is wrong with me. No one wants to be with a low vib they say.. like this they killing ppl.. They don't get how it is to be sucidal.. To be all alone ALL ur life, just being used. Trying hold on to ppl just to feel horrible pain physically and emotionally.. I could ramble forever..

That I don't hate them and that I'm not mean. I just have so much bottled up feelings and go through really bad depression episodes

That I breathe, but that’s about it sometimes I feel

That I don't hate them and I'm not actually a b!¡ch

That I just want someone to check in on me more than once a month or to give me a good genuine reason not to go through with my plan.

How lonely this entire life has been.

That just because I chose to use a mobility aid I didn’t choose to need it.

How much I want/need support even when I push them away.

How easily I can find myself on the edge just because of obsessive thoughts.

🙏 🙏

How deeply and genuinely I hate myself

Im allowed to feel emotions without people automatically assuming it’s my bipolar disorder acting up again. It’s like I can’t feel anything anymore without my mom automatically assuming the worst

That trying to find any way to diswade me from being trans is still transphobic and makes me want to jump

How exhausting it really is on a daily basis to deal with this crap!

How much hip dysplasia hurts and they don't get that I physically can't do certain thing bc of it

That is me too

That waking up in the night sometimes is just a part of my life now and doesn't need to be regulated with extra stronger drugs

Unfortunate pretty much everything

How I really am alive because I don’t want to hurt anyone. I’m always very close to not being here anymore, and the hardest thing is to keep going. It’s so painful to be here. I have things that make me happy, yes, but my depression and anxiety get in the way so much. My PTSD and childhood trauma effect my life too much too. I get paralyzed by all of this and it makes me feel like a failure a lot of the time. I still work full time, but barely feel like i can get through it most of the time if I don’t have a constant distraction for my brain to shut up. I am constantly fighting with myself and my demons. It’s all just a constant war Inside of me. I have family that see me as less than because of my gender identity and sexuality.. and that just makes living even harder.

How hard life is with it and how painful it is, calling me lazy

That I'm not lazy... I'm not "tired" I'm emotionally, mentally, and physically exhausted from doing the things you take for granted every day.

How much I struggle to keep my mask so they don't freak out

That sometimes I can't just push through it

That their words destroy me.

Just how painful it is to eat and why I only eat one meal a day. My mom finds every chance she can go criticize me, ridicule me and say how unhealthy I'am for *starving* myself. But it is an excruciating process for me to eat food and deal with the aftermath. I only want to deal with it once, not three times a day. Plus the 1 meal versus 3 has actually worked out great for me health wise in other aspects. 3 meals just aren't for everyone. Still though, she tries to force and push food on me like I can't think for myself. No I don't have an E.D. but I would if I listened to her as she'd be shoving copious amounts of food down my throat just so she didn't have to eat the over indulgence she wants to cook.

That there’s actually something I’m struggling with and I’m not just making it up

How hard it is for me to get up in the morning