Navigating Difficult Family Dynamics

Trigger Warning Today was my dad’s birthday. Sometimes I’m very thankful he is my dad. He worked very hard on taking care of my brother and I. He tried his hardest to keep working and to provide financially, even though he almost died at his job once. He did his best in so many ways. Sadly though, he is an alcoholic. He also endured a lot of trauma throughout his life, and I recently found out that my grandpa almost r**ed him. Therefore, he is sometimes emotionally unavailable, possessive, narcissistic, and has been abusive at times. He also has sexual boundary problems and one time he m**ested me in high school. But his is still an overall good person. Fast forward, I’m a new mom with my partner and my dad has been very helpful. He’s trying to be more considerate and positive around me and my daughter, and he sends me money because I have no job. I’ve been too mentally unstable to hold a job. I also fought with him a lot and demanded to not be near him. Now I think my entire family and extended family hate me because my problems compared to him are nothing. I get so upset and hopeless sometimes, I just genuinely feel like life is hell and that my pain is never enough, and that I can’t do anything right or be enough. I can’t even figure out how to support myself and be on my own. I might have BPD, but regardless I want to one day understand if I am meant to cut him off one day or keep him in my life