Why Can't I Say 'I Love You'?

Anyone who says that isn't a true friend. They deserve to be cut from your life, you're going through trauma. I know it's not the same but when my fiance, now ex, and I thought we had a child and lost them, (I say thought because a witch test said yes but regular tests were too early and right before the blood tests a few weeks prior, he passed but I just felt him. I knew he was there.), It ruined me. I told my current boyfriend that I'm not sure I'll ever was biological kids again and that my mental health can't handle it and he completely understands. That's what the people that love you really say. My dad doesn't get it, when I eventually mentioned I had a date he was supposed to be born? My mom started to try to understand at least. Everyone I've told that loves me? They understand and comfort me when I need it. It's literally the main reason why my fiance and I broke up. He thought if he left, I could have a better life because he loved me that much. I tried to OD when he told me and now like I think it's been two years this year and he's right. He blames himself because that's why we lost our kid, at least part of it. I had malnutrition because I loved him so much that I moved for him and quit my job then we had to move back but neither of us were working. He left, my thoughts overwhelmed, I thought I was alone in taking care of my kid and did it. He blames himself because this was the 7th miscarriage he'd been through, (not by me). It's taken me forever to be okay with people in general because I used to think because of all my abuse that they just wanted my body not me. Real true loves like my current guy, wait on your timeline. He's waited six years for me.