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Ziggy_B

459d

My whole life I've had people tell me I'm sensitive. Now, I realize it was my autism but I can't express to my family when its a symptom of my mental illness, they will say I'm faking it. A few years ago I learned I'm selective mute, my whole life I've been told it was an attitude and that I was just shy with strangers. Even today I couldn't speak when I wanted to and yet again, I was made to feel less than for it. I was overwhelmed and could tell I was shutting down. Everyone was being chaotic about what we were going to eat for dinner. My dad was getting mad and I was being put on the spot to give an answer and I stated what I wanted three times and it got ignored. I went to my room to get some time away from all the chaos and my mom entered my room, asking me if I wanted to eat from two places that I don't like. I couldn't speak. She left and shortly after my sister came in my room asking me the same thing. I still couldn't speak, I wanted to speak but I couldn't and I was forming the ideas of what I wanted to say in my head but it wouldn't come out. She left and I heard her say "She's not answering me, she's just looking at me like a f**ing idiot." Those are the kind of remarks I have to deal with on the daily. Then a few minutes passed and my dad came in my room. I could tell he was mad. He asked me "Do you want something from wingstop or no?" in a stern voice. I shook my head. I don't like wings. He left and I got nothing to eat tonight. I've been begging for groceries for the same reason and all my dad has to say is "we have groceries, you just don't want to eat them" I'm sorry I don't want to eat pizza rolls again after eating them for a month straight, because again, we dont have groceries. Pizza rolls and cereal arent meals. Ive been eating them breakfast lunch and dinner. Im also lactose intolerant so it has been painful. I feel like im being punished for not liking the same things they do and not being able to communicate it in fear of the reaction being worse. It has happened before and it's made it harder for me to say something. I'd rather not eat tonight than eat pizza rolls or cereal again. I'm going to try to sleep off the hunger.

Top reply
    • WickedJ

      459d

      Aww sorry, pal! A:) that's not ok at all for your sis or anybody to say about you, especially in earshot. That is rude and bullying, and that is a flaw in her character, not yours. B:) why tf does everyone love wings so much???? They're gross. Seriously though, that would hurt me too. I also have selective mutism and I think it's one of those things people can't even fathom if they don't have to deal with it. It's hell. Hopefully more research can be done about it so that others can be more understanding. As of now, I can't find much info on it. I just got a new therapist and after getting to know me for about ten minutes he said I didn't have that because I was talking to him, and I'm just shy. I sought out therapy mainly for that because I just lost a job due to not being able to speak up when I needed to. Still, no one believes me. I think trying the writing thing is a good idea. I might try that. Aaaand, I really get the food thing too. I'm very particular about textures and have a limited selection of what I can eat. Meal times with others has always been a huge source of anxiety for me. Wish I had actual advice to give, but for now just want you to know you're not alone. Hope you found something to eat!! You deserve to feel better and not go hungry.

    • WickedJ

      459d

      Aww sorry, pal! A:) that's not ok at all for your sis or anybody to say about you, especially in earshot. That is rude and bullying, and that is a flaw in her character, not yours. B:) why tf does everyone love wings so much???? They're gross. Seriously though, that would hurt me too. I also have selective mutism and I think it's one of those things people can't even fathom if they don't have to deal with it. It's hell. Hopefully more research can be done about it so that others can be more understanding. As of now, I can't find much info on it. I just got a new therapist and after getting to know me for about ten minutes he said I didn't have that because I was talking to him, and I'm just shy. I sought out therapy mainly for that because I just lost a job due to not being able to speak up when I needed to. Still, no one believes me. I think trying the writing thing is a good idea. I might try that. Aaaand, I really get the food thing too. I'm very particular about textures and have a limited selection of what I can eat. Meal times with others has always been a huge source of anxiety for me. Wish I had actual advice to give, but for now just want you to know you're not alone. Hope you found something to eat!! You deserve to feel better and not go hungry.

      • Ziggy_B

        459d

        @WickedJ I just went to sleep. I don't have anything to eat other than cereal or pizza rolls.

    • ReeceRacer

      459d

      I have gone through similar periods of not bing able to speak, and I know the pain that comes with not being able to communicate. It can happen for multiple days sometimes, I find a way to communicate is through wrighting. And a bonus with wrighting out what you wanna say is that you can re word it how ever you want if it doesn't sit right the first time. And then when confronted by people when in that state. As uncomfortable and scary it may be, you can give them your pre written genral or spisific explanation and go from there. If the person you are communicating with isn't responding well to it, then you could try to bring in outside help. Sometimes it can take a person awile to get used to it tho, so be safe. I wish you the best

☝ This content is generated by our users and it is not a substitute for professional medical advice. Please consult with your physician before making any medical decision

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