My Anorexia Journey: From Birth Control to Body Dysmorphia

I dont even see myself as anorexic but I found out I was when I asked my psychiatrist for my list of diagnosises. believe it or not it was ✨birth control✨ that started this journey. I used to eat anything and everything in front of me and never gain a pound. I was 6 foot and 115 so you never would've guessed it. 😂 after being on bc for a year ish I started to notice a slightly bigger butt and cup size (which was great at the time because I was so heavily mocked for my weight, skeleton, anorexic, you need to eat more, you name it). then i noticed slight rolls and flabs and stretch marks and everything when downhill from there. in 3 months I went from being 115 to over 150. I HATED myself. I thought food was the problem and gave myself acid reflux and everything else via unhealthy eating habits until I quit taking bc and lost so much weight in so little time. I'm now 120 and learning to love myself again. it took me a while trying my best to eat as much as I could but I always felt full no matter what. a couple months after getting my diagnosis I feel like I'm finally back to eating freely (still not as much I used to I was a vacuum 🤣). every once in a while I hate on myself when I'm bloated becuz of how awful I felt about myself on bc. and I wont lie i say I can eat freely but its usually snacking throughout the day. its hard to finish my plate becuz I always feel full or nauseous when I try to eat my whole meal. I still wish my b00bs were as perky as they used to be before bc, I still miss my bigger butt on bc, etc. body dismorphia honestly seems like the bigger problem anymore (although I come to love my badass stretch marks💅🏻). that's my anorexia journey summed up. honestly seems like it was over before it started now I just need to love myself and eat better. hearing some of your stories was hard and in a way I feel I dont belong in this group but either way my heart goes out to you guys ❤ you got this, and show urself some love, I've learned stretch marks look SUPER mesmerizing and hip dips, thigh gaps, bloating, rolls, pelvic bones, ribs, collarbones, etc are all normal and so sexy in their own way dont let ANYONE convince you otherwise regardless what they say about your body. I learned no matter what weight I was someone was always there to judge me. so seriously, the only opinion that matters is your own. Also f*ck birth control, she's a b*tch. 😒🤣🥲