Struggling with Bulimia and Seasonal Depression

I feel super weird and uncomfortable but it's hard to explain why. I know part of it is the seasonal depression and I should deal with that but I keep having weird ED (bulimia) issues with no root cause too. My partner tells me every day how much he likes my body as is and just a few days ago was telling me how happy he was I've been eating more since we started living together which is helping me a lot and has made my recovery a lot easier. I've settled on a natural weight and got comfortable with the number range and my dysmorphia has gone down significantly. Even proana/thinspo stuff hardly effects me much anymore. But lately it feels like every so often I have a need to relapse, usually it's just a nagging in the back of my head but occasionally I'll have what feels like an anxiety attack over it, like if I don't right then and there I'll die and it never seems to have any reasoning attached to it like that I'll die of being too heavy or something or come from any thing specific just that I NEED it. It doesn't even seem to happen specifically after I eat or always have to do with weight, the same way my depression doesn't seem to have a specific cause either currently and it's incredibly difficult to explain that there's something going on with me but I have no idea what it is.