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Self-Sabotage and Depression

susuwatari

462d

anyone else feel like they self-sabotage their own recovery sometimes? i feel like im almost causing my depression at times.

18

26

26

Anxiety (Including GAD)

Chronic Generalized pain

Depression

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Top reply
    • avocadocherry

      459d

      @avocadocherry its so hard to describe to someone who hasn’t experienced it, i think. because they’re just like why don’t you put the work in? dont you want to change? and it’s just not that easy

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    • RedMeerkat

      459d

      Totally 😥

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    • avocadocherry

      459d

      all. the. time. i quit therapy because i didn’t put the work in between the sessions. i want to get better, of course, i want to live a better life and be happier and not empty. but its just so hard. especially when you’ve lived that way for so long

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      • avocadocherry

        459d

        @avocadocherry its so hard to describe to someone who hasn’t experienced it, i think. because they’re just like why don’t you put the work in? dont you want to change? and it’s just not that easy

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        • susuwatari

          459d

          @avocadocherry no I 100% get what you mean, its so hard to explain it to other people. What's helped me describe it, to others and myself, is in terms of a performance - putting work into it, changing, ect for the most part to me feels like a performance of being "well", and to have to do that 24/7 is exhausting, even if you want to do those things it wares you down, it's demanding.

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    • Jusanemo

      460d

      I feel like this constantly. I have the want to get better. I’m around people who will help me. But I have the constant urge to ruin that. To runaway. Maybe I’m scared? I also have everything I need now to get a therapist but im just scared. So I get this feeling in a way.

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      • susuwatari

        460d

        @Jusanemo I get this! I'm also so scared, I'm not even sure of what exactly, maybe the work involved? Or that it still won't be enough.

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    • sorenachy

      460d

      I don't think I've truly gotten over my mom's death, and that was almost 3 1/2 yrs ago. I'm angry with her for continuing to smoke even after watching her her own mom died from smoking. So I'm tucking those emotions away because I don't want to deal with them.

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      • susuwatari

        460d

        @sorenachy sorry about your loss, I'm also experiencing grief at the moment its so hard ❤️

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        • sorenachy

          460d

          @susuwatari yes it is. I wasn't ready for her to go.

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    • Deszy

      460d

      Man me too like the people I’m around the places I go and other stuff your definitely not alone. But so sorry your also struggling you got this tho! ps im proud of you:)

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      • susuwatari

        460d

        @Deszy thank you sm, I'm proud of you too :)

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    • SecondChance

      460d

      Ooh ooh I know this one because it was me for years. I used to do bad things as a coping mechanism and I lied to myself so I could keep doing them. You can stop, society really makes us make excuses. My best advice..... Just Stop

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      • susuwatari

        460d

        @SecondChance this is great advice, I've been really practicing holding myself accountable for my feelings and the things I do to make them worse and its definitely helping slowly!

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    • arttheclownapologist

      461d

      i force myself to get sad so i can relapse lol.the only way i can stop is by ignoring emotions and not thinking

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      • susuwatari

        461d

        @arttheclownapologist I'm the same I need to completely shut off my brain most of the time :(

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    • canadaisntreal

      461d

      absolutely. constantly

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    • oliviaaa

      461d

      definitely, its almost like i feel better at my worst than being happier ya know? so i tend to cause myself to fall back into everything, even though it hurts

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      • susuwatari

        461d

        @oliviaaa exactly! It feels like a performance to be happy, and I get so tired with it I fall back into it all because it feels natural

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    • huaa

      461d

      I definitely self sabatoge I think in all areas of my life😥

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      • susuwatari

        461d

        @huaa I'm currently going through a breakup and exams and I've definitely made them both worse for myself so I get this

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        • huaa

          461d

          @susuwatari breakup and exams oh man "deep breaths" you got this

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    • Amimae

      462d

      Yes when I'm at my lowest of lows I'm usually easy to give up and just get swallowed up in my depression.

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      • susuwatari

        461d

        @Amimae this is exactly how I feel too - its like i get exhausted with the performance of it so I just give in to it

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    • Bre19

      462d

      Definitely can relate to this sometimes I feel like I am for sure

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      • susuwatari

        461d

        @Bre19 me too it's like I can't help doing the things I know makes it worse

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