lately I've been feeling really down. no motivation to do much of anything, and going to work feels like raising someone from the afterlife. I've been feeling really lonely, when I think about people I've loved in the past and I start to get sadder and sadder to the point of crying, but no tears come out. I just hold onto my pillow and wait for the emotional destabilization to go away. it seems like any time I talk about my feelings of sadness they start to leave and I feel fake, I feel like none of this is real? it's the feeling of undeniable fear that someone will listen to me speak about my issues and call me a liar, tell me I "self-diagnosed" myself with depression. I feel depressed, I'm not diagnosed with depression, but I've been feeling depressed for a while now. from little spouts here and there to now feeling empty inside since 2020ish. I don't know what I should do. I think I need to see someone sometimes, but it's mitigated by venting it out to someone, or listening to music that makes me feel better, but at some point I need a real representation of "help". I don't know for sure what I need to be doing.