MidnightSM93

124d

I’ve been stressing a lot lately over life itself and have had a few minor overlapping relapses from what’s called the anniversary effect, and just “gained” a new one with my close and older neighbor friend dying of cancer barely two weeks after my birthday being good for once in over 7 years. I tried to take time off but it only isolated me more and now my relationship is being hurt over and over from impatience and kind of different occupancies. She’s lucrative, it’s long distance which I’ve actually seen work, and my town is small but I’m psychosomatically disabled so jobs tend to be seasonal at best. Everyone fights, but i get poetic usually and it’s not “pretty”. She doesn’t know how to apologize openly for her faults either. Most of the day is great and reasonable, but distance always hurts and I can’t correctly express my jealousy that random people like cashiers talk not longer but more personally, knowing her. It’s obviously new and I’m smart with high IQ, but I’m trapped per se repeating kind of old avoidance and testing methods. Everyone wants to feel real and loved, so I’m pushy now, to myself but I can’t help it. I was raised wealthy but have been to many places and conversed with many people. I’ve lived in poverty for over a decade now. She’s basically an urban sprawl lady (part rural part city). We both understand respect bug it’s like intimacy became both demanding and delayed in our own ways. (In case it helps, she helps me practice language daily). On top of all that, I have to deal with a very passive aggressive roommate who implies to steal my dog who’s impersonated WIP servicehood, after he gets his own place, and he didn’t clean up much at all. Then, my bank card I tried to renew by mail, but they just updated verification to my temporary number, a few days each from license and phone renewal,so I have to return yet again to ask and revert it to log in and activate a card which takes 10 business days maximum to receive anyway. (Never leave stuff unattended with a bastard roommate over a month). I can’t focus enough to eat properly, which is already tense (i ate steak for dinner and if felt like a vacation). My insomnia is random as all hell, especially when it freezes over, and will never fully go away. Should i reattempt for real this time another solitude hike around and bring more connected devices, or should I just let god and other forces decide what the f to do? Also does anyone have an “EXTREME” cortisol detox recipe? Entourage is easy for me. Any advice at this points seems good, I hope. I have too much to handle right now. I don’t know how I haven’t had a heart attack since I have recessive Takotsubo’s. Even if you are cringing to this, I appreciate any help and advice. It’s late and miracle hertz music is getting me through this concretizing horseshit. I’m nog angry or shut down, but somewhere fucked up in the middle, so guess what else or just view my profile. I don’t know how I survive fatigue anymore. #RunninOnCoffee

acute lethargy

Cannabidiol

Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)

Adult psychological abuse

Bipolar Disorder

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