Why Can't I Make Friends?

Ngl sometimes they come up to you without you having to say anything. But that’s not the point. What I’d recommend is looking for a therapist (that’s what I did and man she works wonders, doe it also depends on each therapist so don’t be scared to change therapists if you have to) or doing reallllly small things that won’t cause you too much anxiety and get used to it. For me a lot of the fear came from thinking that people are not going to like me so I wouldn’t talk to them. This was with like my friends too ofc. One time they invited me to go to the mall, my boyfriend was gonna be there, so I thought I was going to DIE. Because the fear exemplifies when I have a crush on someone since I really want them to like me but I don’t think they will. I actually confessed to him and it was one step of my journey (a REALLY bug step but I was confident it would go well lol). Anyway. I was walking back and forth in my room trying to breathe and eventually I put those negative emotions into words and tried to see the reality of it. Which was my boyfriend likes me, my BFF likes me, my other friend like me, and they would be pretty excited to see what I have to say. Omg this is a long paragraph, sorry I needed to get my own feeling out to. I still struggle with talking to people but what keeps me going is trying to feel the way I felt when for the first time in my life I had zero fear of being around people in my school, not taking (heck no) but just being around them. My neck liked it took, used to hurt a lot because of it, now it hurts for different reasons lol. I hope this helped, seemed more like a jumbled mess (is it me being negative? It is messy doe). Anyway I hope it gets better