Venting about the struggles of being a transgender woman

Disclaimer: Don't worry I'm not at all thinking about becoming not living. This is me venting. I'm a transgender woman in my late 40s, I started my transition about 8 years ago. I'm 6'3" 280lbs, I've had top and bottom surgery, but I'll never fucking pass. I hate the non binary way that I look. I look like a slob because I've flat given up on presenting feminine little on passing. It's pointless and impossible for me to pass until i have had all the surgerys I need that I'll never fucking afford. Because why? because I'm goddamn trans. Fuck all those lucky people with money fuck all those people who get to transition young. You don't even see real trans people on social media anymore. Just the lucky rich young beutiful passing ones. I'm Gian furious with this fucked up world.