Stuck in Limbo: Struggling to Process Emotions After Abuse

So my ex husband was abusive, I have several permanent deformities and have had to have surgeries to correct some issues as a result. In addition to that he hired hookers and cheated on me, all the while saying I was the one being unfaithful to him. Regardless of the specifics, I have some issues now heh. And I’m really bad at processing these things in an emotional level. Logically, I’m aware of it all and I honestly feel broken that I can’t get to a state of emotional pain and crying and just move past it all. I know this started as a defense mechanism for me; any sign of unhappiness or upset was an invitation for danger for me. I just feel stuck as a result. Like I can’t move on and I’m stuck in this limbo of awareness and repression. I understand this may not be what a lot of you are experiencing as a part of DID, but it was what my therapist categorized/diagnosed it as, so that’s why I’m here. I had a moment where emotion started flooding in the other day and I immediately and subconsciously stopped myself. I was so angry and I actively tried to get back to it and I just couldn’t. I feel like if I don’t fully feel the pain that I will never truly move on, but there’s just a barrier there that I can’t move. I think this ended up being a vent more than anything, but maybe someone else had/has similar episodes and maybe will feel less alone seeing this