See Alike in...

Alike App

Browser

Frenchie2

551d

How do you, in a healthy way, deal with all the anger and hurt? I'm in therapy, trying to hold myself together most days, but it's all too much. I dissociate all the time, and nothing feels real since the abusive relationship ended. I feel insane. It's like I can't feel anything happy, even when I'm doing things where I know I should be experiencing joyful feelings.

    • Noelle2772

      522d

      this is exactly how i felt after i left the psych ward years back. its a mixture between learning to live with the feelings/sensations and healing slowly but surely. in the meantime, affirming the good things (even the small things), making time to heal yourself through breathwork, cbt, exercise cant hurt. you’ll get through it, even if it doesn’t feel like it right now ❤️‍🩹

    • animelover

      538d

      Age regression is how I cope

      • Frenchie2

        522d

        @animelover huh?

        • valossadei

          522d

          @Frenchie2 they essentially behave like an child instead of an adult, like if the person is 27 when things get too stressful they'll regress to age 5-13 or a bit older depending on the person and where in age they feel comfortable.

    • Jojo97

      541d

      When I cannot freely vent my feelings out verbally, I try and write them down and keep them somewhere to the side so that I can address them later with someone who I know will be spruce and respectful of my feelings. For some this may be every week or two with a therapist, for some it may be every few days with a close friend or if you're lucky like me it could be a manager or coworker.

    • transmancharlie

      541d

      Music has saved my life many times. Dancing is great for serotonin

    • fatpenguinchews

      542d

      I make bread cuz the kneading of dough takes all anger out of me cuz it's so physically taxing

      • Frenchie2

        541d

        @fatpenguinchews I had never thought of that, thank you!

    • Mr._Dank

      543d

      I totally get this feeling. When I got out of being gaslit in a romantic relationship, I have been messed up really bad since then. Music is what helps me sort out my feelings a lot of the time. Writing and making art. I let my pain fuel my art. And the finished projects are what brings me joy. But mostly I feel almost no joy unless music is involved.

      • Frenchie2

        541d

        @Mr._Dank music was one of my greatest joys, and I wish it still was. I shared so much of that part of me with my ex, and now it all makes me a bit sad and angry I shared the things I love with someone like that. It's like I poisoned my own happiness.

    • transmancharlie

      543d

      this really struck home for me. Someday, I struggle bc the memories of my many sa or of the abuse I endured in my first marriage. Whenever I catch myself having those thoughts, I take a deep breath and remind myself that I have removed myself from those situations. I have survived those situations

      • Frenchie2

        541d

        @transmancharlie I could do a better job of grounding myself in those times. I just feel so broken and detached from who I am, or maybe I don't know who I am anymore.

    • EatenByWormy

      550d

      Pressuring yourself to feel happiness just makes happiness into an obligation and a stressor. Take it one step at a time- being neutral is going to take adjustment and being happy is also going to take adjustment. Remind yourself what you’d say to a friend going through the same thing and turn that love toward yourself ❤️ even if it feels weird at first, practice will help the weirdness fade.

      • Frenchie2

        547d

        @EatenByWormy Thank you for this reminder. I have been frustrated with myself and where I'm at. Acceptance in this situation and allowing myself to be where I'm at has been incredibly difficult. I could be more patient with myself. I just feel trapped and long for feeling like I did before, instead of paying homage to what I'm feeling now to let it pass.

        • EatenByWormy

          541d

          @Frenchie2 I think it’s normal to feel frustrated! It’s reasonable, like wtf I didn’t cause the things that were done to me but I have to do the work to fix it??? Doesn’t make it better but at least it’s something that happens to people frequently, there must be some people who have found ways to cope.

    • squibibi

      550d

      I completely understand the way you're feeling, "none emotion, left rage" has been my default for quite a while. when your numbness is muzzling your anger like that, the skills they teach you in therapy never feel like enough. one thing that helps me out a lot is... hear me out... journaling. I'm imagining you rolling your eyes at that rn. honestly though, if you really dig deep into that hurt you're feeling, and write down EVERYTHING (especially the thoughts you feel guilty about thinking and try to suppress), you might see some results. If that doesnt work, and if you have the means to do so, drive out into the woods... and scream. I promise im not joking it's actually very cathartic. just remember to bring some lozenges with you, bc your throat is gonna be raw. also remember to tell someone you trust where you're going and please stay safe. if you have the means to afford one, rage rooms are baller for getting the pent up stuff out. close your eyes and pretend you're beating the snot out of your ex with a baseball bat if that's what helps you feel better. the through-line of all of these is to try not to censor yourself in what you're feeling. bad situations bring bad thoughts, and as long as you try to suppress them they're gonna keep coming back. as cliche as this is gonna sound, what you're feeling and how you feel it are valid. I hope this is at least a little bit helpful, because I know what it's like to feel this way and it sucks

      • Frenchie2

        547d

        @squibibi I actually have been journaling, but it leaves me so confused, and reinstates how broken I feel inside. It's really chaotic for me to try and write what I'm feeling, because the words fall so short. I hope over time it will help clear out and pinpoint my triggers, so I can better understand the overwhelming amount of negative feelings I'm enduring. I used to write a lot, but it hurt so much, and I ended up running in circles in my head, never truly feeling like I could express what I was trying to. I'm going to continue doing it though. I'm still struggling with expressing my anger in physical ways like hitting things or breaking things, because I feel like I'm taking the role of an abuser in those moments, and I know that's not true. His voice is in my head calling me a monster and telling me I'm the abuser, because he did it so often, it makes me scared to release my anger in what can be perceived in a violent way, so I feel beyond conflicted. I'm scared of the anger I feel. It makes me feel like a monster, and I know him planting those doubts in me was a way of controlling my reactions to the abuse he put me through, but those doubts were planted in me deep. I never want to be like him. I never want someone to see me releasing this anger and being afraid of me. I should go out into the woods and scream. I've felt like that is something I've wanted to do for a while now. Thank you for the advice about the lozenges. I'll make sure to pack some with me. Also, thank you for making a point so say what I'm feeling is valid. Sometimes I feel crazy through all of this. I'm sorry you know how this feels.

    • Frenchie2

      551d

      I'm in therapy currently. I know why I'm angry, but the coping skills I'm learning don't really do it for me. I'm wondering if there is something other people find as helpful for releasing anger in a safe way.

      • 4byfour

        550d

        @Frenchie2 but then there are some days I still have no idea what to do with it. It’s just sometimes that recognizing myself helps. And honestly that in itself gives me a little bit of much needed rest.

      • 4byfour

        550d

        @Frenchie2 I understand. I’m in the same situation. Through this app I learned that I can self harm myself through thoughts and daydreams, so I try to recognize when I’m doing that more to keep myself from relishing in the anger. I realized I use the anger as a form of torture to maintain my sense of self worth and up my ego.

      • Deb3

        551d

        @Frenchie2 I’ve dealt with a very abusive narcissistic mother all my life. When my dear Dad passed 4 years ago, I totally cut her and my toxic sister out of my life. I’m 65 years old, so there was a lot of abuse and drama in my life. It’s such a relief to be out of those toxic relationships now. I still think of them often and have forgiven them in my heart, but will never initiate contact again. It’s just not worth the pain and drama.

        • Frenchie2

          547d

          @Deb3 I'm so sorry to hear that. I can imagine that was extremely difficult. It's good you did what was best for you, and that you built up those boundaries.

      • sabbymer

        551d

        @Frenchie2 I'm working on unlearning that too. It's definitely a struggle

    • rachelheflin1984

      551d

      I would say if you're able to go to cognitive behavioral therapy or dialectical behavioral therapy or intensive Outpatient Therapy. These therapies help you identify the rage and also give you coping skills to help deal with them

    • Phy201

      551d

      I take my meds, go to therapy when I can't keep a handle on things. Dissociation is my way of life. Even if I'm not experiencing the joy, I fake it for my kids. Strangely when I think back on memories I can feel happy. So I think I might be experiencing joy and just can't tell through the numb. Not sure that makes sense.

      • Frenchie2

        551d

        @Phy201 The last thing you said makes total sense, and I often find myself wondering the same thing.

☝ This content is generated by our users and it is not a substitute for professional medical advice. Please consult with your physician before making any medical decision

Thank you! Your submission has been received!
Oops! Something went wrong while submitting the form.

Want to chat or share? Download the Alike app now and get complete access to Alike.health's unique features.

Find people who are
experiencing a similar
medical reality

100% Free
100%
Free

Download Alike for the full experience

JOIN

View All

Bupropion

night sweats

paranoid

Valium

sertraline

palpitations

Anxiety (Including GAD)

Depression

palpitations

Depression

Valium

Bupropion