I'm still alive sadly/surprisingly though I wish I wasnt- I don't want my younger sibling to go through the trauma of seeing that... I wanna be there for them but im honestly not sure how much longer I will be able to hold on.. I just want to feel better... I just want to be normal.... I hate feeling like this and I just want everything to stop- I'm tired... I'm so tired of everything.. I wrote a note last night but I decided against going through with it.. so I guess that's a good thing?... idk.. the nightmares have been getting worse lately... I've been seeing him around more (not physically I don't think-) but part of me craves his attention whether that be good or bad, I'm not sure why..