Spiraling Down: A Cry for Help

huge HUGE tw. I'm so tired of everything. My mind is spiraling down, and I haven't got much left. I can't deal with this anymore. I'm going to die soon, ik it. I can't even help my own lover feel happy I always mess up things I want to be better I can't deal with this shit man, cuts everywhere neck, arms,bust,thighs, stomach. I'm nothing I'm nothing why am I still here man I'm so tired god I'm doing it tonight idc what anyone says I'm so tired bruh omg I can't take this shit no more bru omfg . I look like a fucking mess, I can't get over the fact I was raped at 4 years old it happened so long ago you stupid bitch get over it omfg yoy deserved I'm done I'm done I can never do anything right, im so tired there's nothing left for me, medication, hospitals, therapy, didn't help I'm still the same worse, and worse, every day I don't shower, I don't eat, I don't sleep, I get high s3lfh@rm, get more high and just lay there like a dumb bitch, I hate everything I don't even mean anything to my parents, I'm such a nuisance my own boyfriend gets upset because of me his life isn't good rn and I'm making everything worse I'm gonna die I'm gonna cry I'm so tired I'm done I'm really done this isn't right I'm so fucking done idc idc idc I'm gonna disappear I'm going to disappear kms fuck aaa this is fucking right, they made me drink my own piss, they beat me to the ground, they stuck my head in a toilet, they vomited on me, pissed on me, and made me feel like shit. I can't deal with this anymore. I'm gonna die