Struggling with Mental Health and Self-Worth

ya know what? problems im having could maybe be because I haven't taken any of my meds in a few months now. why haven't I called my psychiatrist? I mean I haven't had any severe suicidal ideations I don't think? I haven't done any physical harm. but I keep telling myself I'm more or less fine and then I take a look around at the piles of dirty dishes that have been here for months. I look at a bag of corn that's been sitting in my room for weeks telling myself I need to pick it up (I had a migraine and it WAS frozen). I look at my piles and piles of dirty laundry and my empty closet (im talking EMPTY like nothing is hanging up at all). I look at my calander and see that my next therapy appointment is in several weeks because I missed too many appointments that she canceled our standing appointment time. I see trash. I realize I don't think I've showered in a few weeks, at least not that I can remember. I think about my sleep and how I either sleep for 16 hours or I sleep between 0-2 hours a night. I see empty alcohol cans next to my bed. the only thing I've taken care of is my vape. haven't trained my service dog in months. I see my partner doing EVERYTHING and not complaining at all. I see an abusive pattern with me on the abusive side (not physical or emotional, just financial. dosent matter. it's abusive). I look back at the past weeks, several moths even, and see that I've had barely any emotion at all. maybe that's why I haven't been suicidal. because I'm just not feeling anymore. I look back and see that I lost my job in October and that I haven't started looking yet. I see my partner being supportive and that I'm being a drain. they tell me I'm not. they tell me it's their decision to make if they're in my life and that they make that decision. they tell me I help emotionally. but that's because that is the only thing I don't know how to argue against. I don't barely ever clean. ever. I don't help pay for anything. obviously; I don't have a job. I don't even know what I could do at this point. I have a highschool diploma. no one cares how many AP classes I was in. I've had 2 jobs. ever. and I'm 22. I am twenty two years old today. today's my birthday. I don't even help that much emotionally either. I help them through panic attacks. big whoop. I help them by talking about their coworkers. but do I help them maintain a happy emotion? do I help them when they're stressed by showing them I love them by doing the dishes, cleaning the bathroom, making them a good healthy lunch, making sure they go to sleep at a decent time? no. and if not never, then RARELY ever. I've started donating plasma to hopefully help AT ALL but so far I've only used the money selfishly. which is fine sometimes, but I can also tell it's not going to last. I'm going to start forgetting to go, or feel like I just don't want to and stop going altogether. if I'm so tired of being useless to everyone around me then why do I continue to make myself that way? I have the ability to do better, so why don't I? not really looking for anything except to scream into the void of the internet I guess. thanks.