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Delia.Von.Brandt

553d

Hi all. I just needed a place to "talk" where people get me, because heaven knows no one in my world has an inkling of what it's like. In the past couple of years, my health has taken a nosedive. It's affected my mental health to the point that many days getting out of bed feels like a huge accomplishment. I'm a mom of 2, one of whom is a medically complex 3-year-old, which definitely has contributed to my mental health struggles. I feel like I'm literally going insane lately. I don't know if it's the meds I'm on or what. I'm having the hardest time remembering things - like TV shows for example. I'll suggest watching something and my husband will be like, "We watched that a few weeks ago." Or I told him that I wanted a book, and he had to remind me that I already bought it. I'm suddenly overly concerned about how I'm being perceived by others - like, "Am I over-/under-reacting?" Am I saying something stupid or talking too fast/slow? Random people's names pop into my head (not people I actually know - often it's from some random TV show I watched months before). I'll subconsciously fixate on a word or phrase and repeat it over and over in my mind until I'm actually aware that it's there and then I can stop repeating it. Last night I was doing that with music, and then the song would change every time I became aware that I was doing it. It was sort of like changing the station on the radio or skipping to the next track on an album. But it was so vivid that I could almost "hear" the song - instruments, vocals, and all. Kind of an interesting experience, but also kind of concerning at the same time. Every night before I can fall asleep, I lie in bed, and every mistake I've ever made, every stupid thing I've ever done, all the "bad things," come flooding back to me. I know it's my anxiety and probably my PTSD... My mind starts telling me that I'm the worst person in the world, and then that doom feeling kicks in. My husband is soundly asleep while this happens, and I often go into a full panic attack, which is then usually accompanied by a psychogenic seizure. It's always the worst at night, and all I want is to sleep like my husband does. If I'm quick, my meds can sometimes stop the panic, but that's not always effective. I just feel a mess. Anyway, I just needed a place to vent to people who have been there and understand and maybe sort of get it. Hope you're all having a good weekend. 💕

Top reply
    • Mamaqueen

      553d

      Welcome!! First I must say you are valid!!! Your feelings your thoughts your emotions you are valid!!!! Do not feel bad at all , everything you are going through is real and you need to let it all out!!! You should take to your doctor and tell them what’s going on and try to figure out what can you do and how you can get to a better more manageable place in your journey. Don’t be scared or shy to speak up and put yourself as a priority!!! Your babies need you taken care of so you can be there for them, I have a little one and she’s my world she helps me on my bad days . I couldn’t keep it a secret anymore how bad the pain was so I told her the truth. She’s so amazing and really try’s to understand. Also you got two kids your super mom give your self credit your rocking it. Don’t forget you!

    • Keelee

      553d

      I'm glad to see I'm not the only one, everything you described that is happening to you is happening to me except for the seizures. I'm 18 yrs old, I have a bf who I'm visiting right now, no kids and I don't take medication because I haven't been to the doctors since I was a kid.

      • Delia.Von.Brandt

        552d

        @Keelee I'm sorry you can relate too! I wouldn't wish this on anyone. My husband doesn't even understand me, but he tries. Mostly, I think he just feels sorry for me. 😕

    • Mamaqueen

      553d

      Welcome!! First I must say you are valid!!! Your feelings your thoughts your emotions you are valid!!!! Do not feel bad at all , everything you are going through is real and you need to let it all out!!! You should take to your doctor and tell them what’s going on and try to figure out what can you do and how you can get to a better more manageable place in your journey. Don’t be scared or shy to speak up and put yourself as a priority!!! Your babies need you taken care of so you can be there for them, I have a little one and she’s my world she helps me on my bad days . I couldn’t keep it a secret anymore how bad the pain was so I told her the truth. She’s so amazing and really try’s to understand. Also you got two kids your super mom give your self credit your rocking it. Don’t forget you!

☝ This content is generated by our users and it is not a substitute for professional medical advice. Please consult with your physician before making any medical decision

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