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lillypod21

692d

I dont know what this would fall under. but I feel like it would fall under both borderline personality and bipolar. but I feel like my life is falling apart. and I have to fake being happy for people around me because they can't take whats going on with me. I lost my grandma who was basically my mother in november 2021 and we just did her celebration of life in may. and my mother hurt me at that. once again she hurt me by things she said and how she acted towards me and the way she acted towards my brother. and then finding out my mom (stepmom) and dads relationship isn't good like they have been saying for past 2 years which I had a feeling it wasn't because of his actions. it hurts. and then of my complicated relationship trying hard to make sure I do everything in my power to make sure they are happy. and my ssi case coming up. I feel like I'm going to have a mania episode. I'm not really sleeping well. and my diabetes is going everywhere. how do you explain to people I'm not doing well without them being upset? and that my suicide ideation is up high? and that I need help.

Top reply
    • spungo

      692d

      Nothing you said scream BPD or bipolar

    • momplus5

      691d

      Yes this sounds like bpd I also have it. What sucks is even when people hurt us we want to make them happy. When we finally explode we come back and say sorry right after because we think it's always are fault. Depressants make us numb and feel like we have to be happy no matter what, can't express our feelings correctly. Bpd sucks 😕 sorry

      • lillypod21

        691d

        @momplus5 its ok. Its hard because I have only been diagnosed with bpd for a year so I don't always know how to recognize it. And its hard when people don't see your warn down. And I try so hard to make people happy all the time. But when I finally explode its all my fault. But then I think is it though when I try to tell them all the time.

    • saksgirl02

      691d

      I am sorry you are having such a tough time. I have toxic family and friends. I cut them out of my life 8 yrs ago and it hsd been great. I was tired of the why is your house so messy, are you getting a job, talking down to me. My grandparents raised me from the hospital. My mom was 17 and wild. She come see me and my sister and dry out but then we would go to school and mom is gone. Will be a couple years before we see her again. I lost my grandparents 11 days apart. I was still in shock from the first one and then my other grandparent passed. So lots of gentle hugs. I hope you get some you time. 🫂

    • Cece7

      691d

      I’m sorry you’re going through so much at once that sounds very overwhelming. If you have a close friend, family member or therapist you can speak with about your suicide ideation id highly recommend not keeping those emotions to yourself. Even taking time to journal those emotions if you don’t want to share with certain people. It’s so easy for those sorts of things to build up if not expressed. I would really just straight up be honest with someone that you trust and just say that you’re not doing well. You’re struggling a lot right now and you need their help. Just be straight up about what you’re feeling. Maybe ask for help in specific ways like seeing if someone will assist you in finding a therapist or schedule an appointment with one. Maybe they could help with basic things like a meal delivery or something to just make your week a little easier. Please know that you deserve all the help anyone offers and more. Practice a lot of self care and put yourself as a priority. You can get through this. ❤️

      • lillypod21

        691d

        @Cece7 thank you. Its been hard. And sometimes I feel like I don't deserve anything. And everything that is happening to me and has happened to me I deserve. And ill try that with a friend maybe they can just be there for me this week.

    • spungo

      692d

      Nothing you said scream BPD or bipolar

☝ This content is generated by our users and it is not a substitute for professional medical advice. Please consult with your physician before making any medical decision

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