Struggling with Insomnia and Anxiety

So insomnia is not new to me, but I feel like it's gotten a lot more intimidating to handle and that some life effects have been making it worse. First, I just wanted to say that I currently don't have a regular doctor (he sold his practice to a health group which has different policies). Wait lists in my area are absolutely ridiculous and the doctors I've tried to contact don't have openings until 4-6 months from now. So unfortunately I don't really have someone I can talk to about trying new treatments and that sort of thing. Another thing going on is that I recently lost a close family member. She used to be up during nighttime and I'm still not used to her not being in her room. My mind will often play tricks on me and I'll think things like "I should go check on her" or "I shouldn't be too loud since I might disturb her" even though she's not around anymore. Even when I'm not thinking about my current loss, it feels like I always have some anxiety hanging over my head, and nighttime is so hard to handle. I feel like I could go into a million reasons why I'm anxious. Sometimes it's because of intrusive thoughts related to phobias. I'll latch onto an unrealistic fear and then my mind will start thinking of worst case scenarios as its first response. A lot of my fears are related to my health. I start freaking out both when I can sleep and when I can't sleep. When I feel like I'm going to sleep I start getting nervous about dying in my sleep and worrying about things like "Is my heart beating too slowly? Am I breathing enough? Am I going to wake up tomorrow or am I dying right now?" plus I get pain flare-ups sometimes which can also feed my anxiety. But when I can't sleep, I get worried about not getting enough sleep, passing out, needing to go to the hospital, and other situations. I've been struggling a lot and it just feels like a losing battle. I would appreciate some support from anyone who's dealt with the same stuff, and maybe some ideas on how to cope. I've seen people suggest meditation but lately it's been tough to feel motivated into trying it. And just overall I kind of feel like I'm falling apart and life is a mess. Realistically I know there are people in worse situations but my brain is just being a jerk right now and I'm having trouble viewing things calmly and not going into catastrophe mode when I'm alone with my thoughts at night. I've tried journaling but it leads to panic attacks from overthinking sometimes. And because of concentration issues, I'm not always good at successfully distracting myself. My thoughts are super loud at night and constantly racing. It's hell and I hate feeling so alone in this. Thank you in advance to anyone who reads this.