Struggling with Body Image and Self-Esteem

I really wish I could get an outside opinion on my body. For clarity I've struggled with my body image and my self esteem for a bit, I just see myself as fat/bigger than what I probably am. Idk. I've asked for my family and my significant other's opinion on it, and no matter what you say, they'll always try and tell you something you want to hear, without directly saying it. I'm 5' 10" and am at 195 lbs, a lot of that I hope is muscle, then again, Idk. I've like 20% body fat the last time I checked. My entire family is a little bit on the bigger side, like overweight and stuff, and I think they might just have a little bit of bias when talking about that cause, what they see is healthy Ig cause they've all been on the bigger side. And at the same time, I got down to 160 lbs and I was feeling really good about myself, but my family told me I looked unhealthy, they've done it to my grandmother too. Which couple that and constant body dysmorphia and the remnants of an eating disorder and so many other things, just I can't really trust my own opinion. And I know it's a case of retraining your brain, replace the negative with the positive, but I just want a standpoint on it, I wanna know if I am actually fine, or if I should work harder to get the body *I* want. And theres people who'll say oh, love yourself, but I can't if I don't actually know how I look? If that makes sense, it's also hard to love myself when I don't have the body that again, *I* want... Idk just a lil bit of a rant : p