Struggling with Alcohol Addiction and Sneaking Drinks

WOW, what a truly amazing story! I have been that point before where all that I drank was straight vodka or cheap strong 🍷 wine. I always in front of the liquor 🥃 stores when they opened and banned from a few convenience stores for lifting high gravity booze when short on cash 🏪 My friends even joked how never to drink from my sprite bottle that I carried around with me because it was straight vodka! That was when I hadn't run my friends off by being a lousy drunk and just 🚫 not much fun to be with all of the time! With grateful help from 😟 worried remaining friends and loved ones, I went to a year long inpatient rehab and managed to stay sober for three years and then VERY cautiously drank in moderation until my mother's scuicide. 😢 I went off the deep end; however, CRAZY, my beer brewing boyfriend got me back on track! I see myself slipping with the liter bottle a 🌉 night and now the stealing 😫. Heroin sounds like a 🛟 LIFE SAVER! I really think that I will try your wonder drug. I just need to find it! Wonder 🤔 if the guy I buy pot from knows anybody. Bet! My bf gets Lunesta and some alternative drug- mimicking medical grade chemicals that are produced in labs and designed to alter just ONE molecule in the substance as to make it legal without changing the effects on the user. I would feel a little better about it if it was legal, but I will probably tell you in a few months how it all works out.😉 Thanks! 👍

I'm glad you're here and reaching out. I understand a little bit of what you're going thru. I drank and did drugs for about 10 years. I have been clean for about a year and 9 months, nicotine 9 months. And alcohol for about 9 months. It is hard as shit. My parents make wine and always wanted to taste it and it has been really difficult to say no. And now at their new house, they have a full-functioning bar with fancy drink mixer machines and like all of the alcohol. It is so freaking difficult. And it is hard for a while. I still have a rough time some days. A liter is a lot of alcohol. I think addressing your hip pain will def help. And depending on what they five you for pain, it could be very dangerous to drink with the meds. And not to be a poop- but they do have a point about rationalizing. I drank for semi-similar reasons more for PTSD reasons and it comes down to the fact that there really isn't a reason to drink. Nothing is forcing it on you. Even tho internally it seems like an absolute necessity to get thru your day. There are other ways to deal with pain, ya know? Drugs and alcohol dealt with my pain- physical and emotional. I made excuses to not stop bc of my parent's alcohol stuff. But there isn't really a reason you can't stop. Which feels wrong. So wrong to say. Bc, it feels like you can't. I really do understand. And brutally what it comes down is your decision to stop. You have to decide when enough is enough. And you have to make a commitment to face these issues and make a deal with yourself about what you can handle and what you're willing to deal with before “needing” alcohol. And it fcking sucks. And it is hard every day for a long time. And slips are absolutely normal. It generally takes many times to get there. It took me years and a lot of yo-yo-ing to make it. And I would stop for 10 months or 5 months. And keep slipping back. And have to start all over again. But you have to commit to starting over even if you slip. And slipping is devastating and you feel awful. But you have to forgive yourself and move on tomorrow. Even small steps is a start. Try only drinking one bottle at night. Until you can do that with confidence and then start drinking half id a bottle until you're confident and just widdle away like that. It is a smoother transition than quitting cold turkey. It is also good you're going to AA just for some extra support. The fact that you are acknowledging your disordered relationship with alcohol is a huge step. You should be proud of yourself already. The collection of little changes makes a bigger change. Things are still hard for me, but I try every day. Also the I Am Sober app is super helpful. If you need support or to chat, feel free to DM me. Good luck!