sometimes i but a bottle of vodka or whiskey and just chug it. i don't want to hurt myself, but it puts me to sleep and it's like I'm fast forwarding through the weekend. i don't do anything except when i get my daughter (i usually take her little sister, too, she's been coming to my place on weekends since she was maybe 3 or 4, and she's 9 now) i don't want to drink. i hate the way it makes me feel; my heart beats so hard i can see my chest move to the beat - and I'm not skinny anymore. average size with a gut.