Struggling to be a Good Mom: Am I Being Ungrateful?

TW: abuse Am I being an ungrateful or lazy mom? Am I just having an emotional tantrum, and not clearly seeing the situation at hand? I live with my parents, my brother, my boyfriend/BD(father of my daughter), and my daughter. I don’t work, but everyone else does. Sometimes my mom and my boyfriend watch over her while I decide to have space or go to appointments. They have financially and physically supported me and my daughter very much. But now, I don’t know if it’s a good idea for me to be a stay at home mom anymore, or be my daughter’s main caregiver, or if I should even live with my family anymore. These thoughts are due to me currently struggling to potty train my daughter, create boundaries, structure, and routine. I try my hardest to be patient with her and everyone else, but sometimes I blow up like today. I just yelled at my mom intensely, because her and everyone else are upset with me not raising her the way they want me to. I am admitting to my shortcomings and trying new medication again. I told my mom, “I think I need to work/go to school again and have my daughter go to daycare. Her and I both need structure.” But my mom disagrees along with the rest of my family. They want me to stay at home. I want to be a good mom and keep trying to raise her and be there for her, but sometimes I have a hard time letting go of my family’s past mistakes and abuse with me. I know I’ve abused them in the past too. My daughter is 2, and I want her to go to daycare by the fall or by January next year. Some can’t afford daycare or school. I am fortunate enough to have government financial aid, so money is not an issue. I have always struggled with structure and my bd has traumatized me in the past, so being around him triggers me sometimes. But, maybe I am being ungrateful and not trying hard enough to be a better mom for my daughter. I’m not perfect and I can’t give her everything. But I feel so on edge sometimes and I don’t want to lose faith in creating the best environment for my daughter. I want her to feel like she had a decent childhood and a healthy relationship with her family. Please, everyone, feel free to express your thoughts