Seeking Support and Validation After Experiencing Sexual Abuse

I've been raped 23x so I understand what you are saying. Rape is in no way the victim's fault. I'm sorry that you were put through such a horrible situation. I'm here if you wanna chat, I am well aware that it might feel like it's your fault. But believe me when I tell you, you are not at fault. 😥😥😥 I hope this helps and you are able to talk to a therapist to be able to help you through your thoughts and what follows PTSD.

You had already said no when you said you didn't want to have sex. No means No, plain and simple. You are Not ruining anything. May I make a small but difficult suggestion? Take care of yourself and your needs and stay single for a while. You need time to heal. Don't let peer pressure get to you from anyone, not even your sister. She obviously doesn't understand what it's like. I'm so very sorry you are going through this. Please feel free message me if you want

Just because you didn't say no, doesn't mean it's your fault. I was once sexually assaulted by a man I knew and trusted. He asked me to come over to him and I did because he was a grown adult and I listened because it's just what you do. He touched me in my private area and I didn't say no or try to stop him. It was like I was in a state of shock. I just froze. Whenever I tell somebody close to me what happened, they reassure me it wasn't my fault. That I was assaulted. So no, what happened to you wasn't your fault. Please know that. Also, I was a young adult at the time. Not a minor. Just making that clear. It doesn't make it right though what he did. Touching someone without their consent whether it's verbal or body language, is either assault or rape. Maybe it's rape in all cases. I have no idea but consent is key.

That you were raped is not an opinion, but a clear & obvious fact. I am sorry that you are dealing with this, & that your misinformed & critically judgmental sister is trying to make you feel worse about something that is NOT AT ALL YOUR FAULT. Regarding consent, it is not really saying “no” that is important, as it is actually very common for victims of rape & sexual assault to not say “no” for a variety of reasons; but, rather, consent is about both parties involved giving enthusiastic consent, including verbal & physical cues to indicate ready, willing & eager participation. Consent can be changed or revoked at any time, and agreeing to one act, like kissing, does not at all grant consent for any further escalation, nor do any previous sexual acts grant them permission to be repeated without consent. Someone who does not seek your consent or respect your boundaries is not trying to have a “relationship” with you. They want power & control, & enjoy dominating U & forcing you to do things they know you’re not comfortable with doing. Their actions are their responsibility, & you are definitely not “ruining” anyone or anything. (That is part of the misplaced guilt, shame & blame us victims tend to place on ourselves, but it is NOT our “fault,” & we did not do anything “wrong” to deserve what happened to us.) It would probably benefit you (& others) a lot to delve deeper into the topic of consent, so you can better understand it & explain what it actually means to people like your sister, who very apparently do not understand the definition &/or what it looks like & entails. Here is a reference link to get you started: https://www.rainn.org/articles/what-is-consent I hope this information helps, & that you’re able to heal & learn from these traumas to hopefully avoid any further future violations. <3