Question about consent and rape in a relationship

It was definitely rape! Btw I saw in the comments that she got away. Glad to hear it! I hope she's either safe or on the way to finding safety!

Any sexual act without the other person's permission and he's forcing himself on to her is considered rape

Ok so any sexual act without consent is at least abuse. When there's been un-consensual sexual connection as in this case is absolutely rape. Your friend needs to get out now

Consent still matters even when in a relationship or marriage. It is rape. There is a lot of people who get raped within their relationship and marriage, sadly. I hope she does not marry him. He will become more abusive.

100% this is rape. Any instance & action where consent is not explicitly given is sexual assault or rape. Especially since verbal discussion had already occurred, & agreement had been made to wait, which means he consciously decided to violate her wishes by committing this act, regardless of her feelings or willingness to give consent. I hope she does not stay with or marry him, as such a serious violation of trust is just a harbinger of what is to come further on in their relationship. Rape and sexual assault are not about the perpetrator being horny. These predatory acts are all about power & control. The lack of consent is actually the point, as that dominance over another is the thing they really seek. As someone who has unfortunately been the victim of many acts of sexual assault & rape, & as a survivor of Intimate Partner Violence(same as Domestic Violence, but not married) & abuse, I can tell you for a fact that his willful actions do not bode well for their future, or for his ensuing behavior & actions. Now that he has done it once, what’s to stop him from doing it again? Most occurrences of sexual assault and rape are actually not really forceful or violent, & are most often acts committed by those who are well known to us, like a family member, boyfriend, friend or acquaintance. The most insidious thing that predators seeking power & control can do is to trick their victim into thinking that they somehow consented or wanted it, & their victims are made to feel guilt & responsibility because they did not say “no” or say it clearly enough, or even attempt to fight off their assailant. If they had already previously discussed where the boundaries are and he made the decision to violate these boundaries anyway, he doesn’t respect her, & this kind of situation can only get worse, not better. Rape & sexual assault are just another tool that perpetrators use to control their victims & his controlling actions and behaviors will only increase & escalate to a dangerous degree, where escape feels impossible. Had I gotten out when my last abuser decided to put “it” in me as I literally was saying, “I don’t think I’m ready for this,” after being celibate for six and a half years, I would have been spared the next couple of years of suffering in isolation and shame, as his violations increased & violence escalated in severity to the point of being seriously life-threatening. (I was almost strangled to death, & I will forever have lifelong scars & injuries because of him.) And, getting away from abusers gets even more dangerous the longer the “relationship” goes on, as the likelihood of them stalking, attacking, and killing their victims exponentially increases. (The most dangerous time for any victim of abuse is when they try to or successfully do get away from their abuser, as this is when the most physical assaults & deaths occur, even if perpetrator had never been violent.) Personally, I had to get high quality security cameras, & I have continued to live in fear for several years afterwards, despite him having been arrested in my front yard & no attempt at contact for a while now, but it’s still always in the back of my mind because I know the threat will persist and exist until he is dead. My sense of safety & security in my own home will never be the same again, thanks to him. My best advice would be to make sure your friend knows all of this, so that she can feel empowered to make her own decision, & let her know that you will remain an open, honest, & judgment-free line of communication for her, as support, & maybe point her in the direction of some resources, like NoExcuseForAbuse.com & Rainn.org. Unfortunately, while she is still under his spell, thinking that this is “love,” this is really all you can do to help her. :(