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Dealing with Relationship Anxiety: Lost Time and Urgency

SunInAugust

512d

I always have this terrible sense of urgency. esp in a relationship that needs repair. I get so anxious about all the lost time spent with them distant and away and angry. all this time that will never come back. time we could have spent in peace. and it brings me the worst anxiety and makes it very difficult for me to give people space. I'm not sure if its my autism struggling with theory of mind, my OCD tendencies obsessing, my fear of abandonment, or cPTSD urgency. I'm never trying to be difficult and clingy. I feel like its not wholly unreasonable to want reassurance and consistency, just like its not unreasonable people need space.

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Anxiety (Including GAD)

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    • SunInAugust

      510d

      @MorphingButterfly its hard for me to know. Because reassurance genuinely solves it. I dont need continued reassurance, just once. And of a partner or dear friend suddenly changes their behavior without explanation and goes radio silent, it seems likea very reasonable reaction to be be anxious. Plus, my psych said i have OCD tendencies but didn't fit a formal diagnosis So its like having the O without the CD. Telling myself "i dont get to know the answer" helps a lot of anxiety and otherwise i dont engage with or an not bothered by intrusive thoughts. What's really confusing me is why it feels so urgent tho. Who do I need this time now, to be peaceful and good? I hate the idea of thr lost time. The time when you're waring with someone and dont get to share the good times. It feels like such a terrible loss of time

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    • MorphingButterfly

      510d

      It could be your ocd. What will happen if you receive reassurance? —Your anxiety will decrease until you begin to worry again. ERP could break that cycle. Have you tried ERP. I just started and though I’m taking small steps, I am feeling hopeful that I can learn to live with anxiety and uncertainty. It could also be related to trauma. There is research that discusses the relationship between OCD and trauma. I don’t know what you mean by theory of mind, but the term sounds a bit like OCD as well. If you need to be sure you understand something and can’t handle the not being sure. That’s ocd.

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      • SunInAugust

        510d

        @MorphingButterfly its hard for me to know. Because reassurance genuinely solves it. I dont need continued reassurance, just once. And of a partner or dear friend suddenly changes their behavior without explanation and goes radio silent, it seems likea very reasonable reaction to be be anxious. Plus, my psych said i have OCD tendencies but didn't fit a formal diagnosis So its like having the O without the CD. Telling myself "i dont get to know the answer" helps a lot of anxiety and otherwise i dont engage with or an not bothered by intrusive thoughts. What's really confusing me is why it feels so urgent tho. Who do I need this time now, to be peaceful and good? I hate the idea of thr lost time. The time when you're waring with someone and dont get to share the good times. It feels like such a terrible loss of time

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    • Sunnirie

      512d

      As someone who’s experienced this I’d say it’s abandonment issues and while absolutely a loving partner should have no issues reassuring you it can also get very frustrating when it feels like every 30 minutes your asking for it which I think as someone with ocd as well that’s where that comes in the obsessive need to ask for reassurance and the best advice I can give you is to find a partner who is patient and to have a lot of communication about what ur struggling with and what your feeling and try when ur dealing with those urgency thoughts just try to busy yourself until your partners ready the tighter you hold on the less they can breathe I hope you maybe this helped a little good luck ❤️

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      • SunInAugust

        512d

        @Sunnirie i definitely would only ask for reassurance maybe......once every 2 months? But when they just.......stop talking to you for weeks after giving you the cold shoulder....seems reasonable to worry

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        • Sunnirie

          511d

          @SunInAugust their are outliers like that instance. that’s someone who doesn’t care about you my bf would never do that taking a couple minutes up to an hour is very reasonable but weeks no not all don’t let anyone make you think your crazy for feeling the way you do your 100% valid in that and honestly I’d break it off it’s just causing you to stress out

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☝ This content is generated by our users and it is not a substitute for professional medical advice. Please consult with your physician before making any medical decision

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