I think a very important step that you need to take is to accept uncertainty (if you haven’t done so already). To accept that there is a possibility for anything. Whenever I get intrusive thoughts, I find hard not to figure them out or to give into them, but when we do, it’ll only lead us into a deep rabbit hole of overthinking about something that hasn’t even happened. I’m sorry to hear about your past experiences with trust issues, that’s never a good thing for anyone. Especially someone with anxiety. Once you get passed the uncertainty (in this case with the feelings for your boyfriend) then you’ll begin to feel more confident and say that “thoughts are just thoughts”.

I’m not sure if they made any sense, please let me know if there’s anything I can clear up on.

you absolutely did help, it’s nice to know i’m not alone in this, i’m not uncertain in my feelings for him, i know i love him it just sucks when your intrusive thoughts are making you feel like you’re not giving enough

Talk to your partner about it. My partner is still getting used to my mental issues and finds little ways to make sure I don't spiral. For example, if he's upset with something else and I happen to notice, he makes sure to lmk that it isn't my fault. Even in small ways like calling me my fav nicknames or ending his text with a heart emoji.