Mentally Handling Ongoing Abuse Trauma

TW: On-going Trauma, Vent, Swearing, Sorry if I missed a trigger I'm heavily dissociated . . . I need sound advice on how to mentally handle being in an abusive situation (mental & emotional), including when it's not directed at me but I still have to hear it happen. My brain feels burnt out from the 21 years, and continuing with no end in sight, of all this trauma. I'm not mentally well enough for a job, getting social security is on the fence right now, none of my family or friends have an open slot in their home, and anywhere I could even stay for free has years long waiting lists. My mother is a master manipulator and can make all the trouble she causes for me and my siblings seem like she's the martyr and victim of it all or lessen the blow when she TALKS ABOUT IT FUCKING FREELY TO HER FRIENDS & THERAPIST. And they just fucking laugh because of the way my mom words it. I can't remember the last time I had a truly affectionate hug, one not so stiff to hold my shoulders from it's built-up tenseness. I'm so afraid and so tired of waiting for something good to happen to me.