Dealing with a Triggering Mother During COVID-19 Quarantine

TW: trauma, emotional/verbal abuse, dissociation My mother triggers me to have dissociative episodes. She found out that she has COVID on Monday and has been quarantining since we’ve found out. We ask her to wear a mask if she has to go out to the living room while we’re gone and we wipe down any surfaces she would’ve touched, washing our hands before we use them. This afternoon I was napping because I’ve been having trouble sleeping. I wanted to get a nap in before work. She asked me to let the dogs out and woke me up, to which I was delayed but obliged. I was getting ready to get up and let out my dogs before she started stomping and huffing, saying she’s got it. She then stomped out, maskless, let the dogs out, slammed the door, and then proceeded to get herself something to eat. I can’t even remember what she screamed at me at first, I can remember some other things in between, me telling her that her behavior was uncalled for, and her replying with “I haven’t taken my meds in a couple days and I’m fired up.” I said “I can tell.” She is on a mood stabilizer to keep these explosive episodes from happening. Since this has happened I have been dissociating and reliving every other episode we’ve had from since I can remember to today. My eyes hurt from crying. I can barely talk. I don’t trust her with my emotions or anything about my life anymore. She has no idea what I’ve really been hurting through aside from what we’ve gone through as a family lately because I don’t trust her with it. I’m waiting for her to recover and take her medication before I speak to her in person again because I can’t have a proper conversation right now.