With the long list of things that I have "wrong" with me I don't know how I'm ever going to function. I had a nice therapist but I've since moved and I can't take it because I don't want another one. The therapist I had before her was so awful I felt like throwing up anytime I had an appointment and I ended up being against therapy for a few years because of it. I can't handle any change or difficulties without feeling like killing myself would be easier and the only thing keeping me going right now is a concert that I'm going to in a month. I haven't gotten a license or a job yet because I'm terrified and so so tired and I'm not going to college for the same reasons. I feel like I'll just continue to be completely useless or die.

Low Mood



Generalized pain

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  • laurel12345


    You are not useless. Many people have been in your mind set and have gotten better. I used to have really bad anxiety and I feared I would never be able to work. I improved and I now have a job while in college. All I am trying to say is just because life is unbearable right not does not mean it always will be. Here is some advice from someone who has been in a similar situation: Do everything you can. Try to do something that you feel comfortable doing that makes you feel useful. The more I do the better I feel, which makes me feel more capable to do even more. Some examples: working out, online jobs/classes, helping others out, cooking healthy recipes, cleaning/redecorating. Take care of your physical health: sleep 8 hours (if possible), exercise daily, eat lots of vegetables, high fiber, limit meat, increase fish, stretch, meditate. When you physical health improves your mental health follows. You are amazing. You can fight your way out of this. You are strong. Please fight you don't know what you future holds. It is in your hands.

  • Roperry2377


    A lot of what I could say would just be echoes of laurel12345's reply. You are a beautiful, precious, valuable and irreplaceable person. Everyone in this world is, even myself, and I grew up struggling a lot because of how much my own mother complained about "only marrying my father for my sake" (they were 21 and 20, but my mom still went down the aisle 4 1/2 months pregnant with me, but never went as far as calling me a 'mistake', but her attitude was enough to make me think I was one), and having most of the self-esteem I did have as a child be broken when I was 10 by a pedophile farther down the block from my house who groomed me with affection I was of course craving. I will be praying for you to find some sort of peace, comfort, joy or whatever you need in your life, and you can send a message anytime you need a word of encouragement.

  • mysterygirl


    Sounds like you're severely depressed. When I was in my worst depression, I felt exactly the same way. I could not see any light in my life. I hated the world and g-d for abandoning me. Anti-depressants stopped working years ago, ECT & nasal ketamine did nothing. I have already written my story of recovery from severe depression, but you may not have read it. I don't know how large this site is or if you read my comments. They tend to be long, so you might have skipped them. I will tell you about it b/c if you are like I am, you are in a black pit of hell. It's funny, I remember going to the movies and the preview for "Lord of the Rings" was shown. I remember thinking, now I have to stay alive until November b/c LOTR is being made into a non-animated movie and I must see that. How could it be possibly be done, well? If course, it was the most amazing trilogy and Peter Jackson did a fabulous job. The movie was 3 hrs long and at the end I got sad saying to myself "is that all, I don't want it to end"? I have never felt at home around most ppl on earth. I do not understand what motivates them except for the care of their loved ones. I stopped understanding why ppl would buy cheap knickknacks and other crap, for their houses. I can't afford what I like, so I don't bother. I don't have the energy to look for deals fir good stuff or to keep my house, as clean as I would like. Taking showers are very hard & I wash up, a lot to avoid them. That's depression & fatigue I had a genetic swab through my pain doctor yrs ago. The guy was a really nice guy and tried to help me but he couldn't find the source of my pain or depression. He even did this swab that tests your DNA for what meds are most effective. No anti-deppressants worked & I couldn't afford $4000 for IV ketamine. ( Ironically, in this country, the sicker you are the more health care you need but you're your to sick to earn enough to pay for a good doctor or have great health insurance that would allow you a doc to take their time to find out what's making you sick) Anyway, he never said anything about the test. I moved to FL and got really lucky with my new psychiatrist. I talk to her on the phone and she gives me whatever I ask for. I don't take high doses but she was , sure, what do you need? I love her. Anyway she asked me about taking the swab test. I told her that I had already done it with no real result. I talked to the company that does it and they told me tht they've added new tests & to give it another try. I'm glad I did b/c it seems that I have a mutation on the MTFH gene or that is the mutation. It stops your nervous system from getting B vitamins. She put me on something called Deplin which is a pharmaceutical grade food additive. My depression has finally lifted and I'm out of the pit. I can the see the difference, so clearly and why I was unable to do anything but eat sugar & watch TV all day & night until I went to bed. I just wanted to die. Everything was negative. Now, nothing has changed, except for the way I look at it. Not being depressed, I can see what I can do instead of just venting my despair. It's like someone puts a demon cap over your brain and only bad thoughts can come & go. I started driving around looking for bridges to drive off, just because I was missing the B vitamins in my nervous system. I was in hell for years.This mutation is NOT uncommon and insurance will generally pay for the test. Medicare paid for it, so ... It could be very helpful for you to get this test. They mail you a kit, you swab your mouth and mail it back. It does have to be ordered by your doctor. If you live in Central FL, I got a great doc. The co.pany that does the swab is called Genesight & their number is 866-757-9204. This stuff gave me my life back. Maybe genetic testing can help you to feel better. I feel so bad for ppl who go thru this b/c it was the worst part of my illness. That feeling of despair & hopelessness. It is worse than pain, for me. I do tend to be an all or nothing person and I can be very judgemental, if I'm not careful, but I stopped hating myself & am working on stopping the habit of calling myself stupid, idiot, clumsy & other names that I wouldn't call most ppl. I have been so unkind to myself b/c I was so depressed. If you don't fix the depression to the best of your ability, you will never be able to see what is good in you & your life. Geez... sound like a mother, but I do want to help. It has robbed me of so much. I thank G-d every day that I'm not depressed. I would like more of a life but I'm not unhappy. I can see what I do have & that life isn't total s**t. All the Best....

☝ This content is generated by our users and it is not a substitute for professional medical advice. Please consult with your physician before making any medical decision

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