Struggling with Childhood Trauma: My Story

I am just so incredibly sad and I want to give up. I feel like I never had a chance at living a normal life because of my childhood trauma. I think about trying to have a normal functioning life and it’s just so upsetting to me. I don’t have a real job, I’m not in college, I can’t drive, I’m not headed anywhere in life at the moment and thinking about trying to change that puts me into so much pain. I can’t even think about it without wanting to cry. Everyday waking up is just so hard and I don’t want to live like this anymore. It’s all I’ve ever known, my “event” - the first one at least - happened when I was in kindergarten and I grew up in a neglectful, abusive house after. My trauma began and hasn’t ever stopped. I feel like I will never escape from my own mind. I don’t want to be this way and I want to get better but I am just so exhausted