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Exploring My Sexuality and Trauma Response

Lucas.exe

671d

so.... I dont like putting labels on sexuality or talk about it cause it's really no ones business who I find attractive... but I need a different perspective. prepare for awkwardness. so I'm an 18 y/o female with PTSD mostly caused by literally every man in my life plus my mom, and I'm literally the world's most undateable person. I think men are so pretty to look at and I have a nice time idealizing them in pg and less than pg fantasies but i don't see myself ever dating and the thought of a real life relationship makes me extremely un comfortable. I have pretty much 0 experience in anything romantic and what little I do have I regret and my brain basically pretends they never happened. when it comes to girls I think some girls are beautiful enough to have a religious with and I think i feel a little more comfortable relationship wise but i dont really see myself doing anything physical with a girl i like. people around me having relationships makes me uncomfortable especially since so many people become completely ignorant when they meet someone they like which is extremely frustrating... everything I want/need physically or romantically just stays in my head and I dont like acting any of it. so like... am I bi or ace or just straight with a trauma response lol.

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Top reply
    • Lucas.exe

      668d

      @Deathfuffy why you gotta read my mind like that 😭

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    • Stealthmode

      668d

      I had abusive online relationships.

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      • Stealthmode

        668d

        @Stealthmode So don't feel bad, okay? It takes time to find your forever

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    • Deathfuffy

      668d

      I honestly stopped trying to find a label for myself. I like the idea of having relations. I like sexting but not in a sexual way but a creative writing way. I like looking sexy and reading yaoi. I don't find an other person sexually interesting but I like looking at others bodies.

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      • Lucas.exe

        668d

        @Deathfuffy why you gotta read my mind like that 😭

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    • UCBree

      668d

      You're just a normal person with normal feelings. There's so rush. Time will show you where your attraction lies. And whatever direction that ends up being, we support you. ❤️

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    • Chirp

      668d

      I'm not aroace, but I found that I didn't want to act on relationships because of self doubt. But then I found a person I liked, and for some reason I never doubted them, and I knew 100% that they liked me too. I'm not sure where it came from. But finding someone that makes you feel self assured like that is key for me

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    • MichealB

      670d

      You could date a girl and never get physical and that's perfectly okay. Or you can wait until your far enough in your healing your comfortable with a man if that's what you want. Finding someone who your comfortable with and isn't going to push you into doing things you don't want to is what's important regardless of gender. My trauma pushed me into being asexual but asexual people don't always have no sex drive. It just means they don't want to have sex with someone when they are in the mood. You could start that way and move toward having sex later. My best advice here is just to take your time and don't push yourself. If you decide to try and heal your relationship with sex it could be hard but it's worth it. I don't think I'll ever have sex again but I'm much more comfortable in my body and with my partners. But this is just me you do what's best for you.

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    • Cece7

      670d

      So I have a lot of confusion with my sexuality due to some trauma as well. I will say that I am married and usually would have a pretty high sex drive but when I am dealing with triggers from my trauma I have no desire to have any sexual relationship with my husband. Sometimes I will go weeks or months without wanting to do anything physical and just want emotional bonding because sex has no appeal to me. Other times I overdo things on the sexual side. It just depends how my trauma is effecting me that week.

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    • Mop

      670d

      Aroace with trauma here! Theres actually a considerable correlation between sexual ptsd and people identifying as being on the aro and/or ace spectrum. I dont know if I'd still feel the way I do if what happened to me didnt occur, but it's still just as valid. Sexuality isnt unmoving, so if it is completely dependent on your trauma, you're on the spectrum now and will slowly move across it as you overcome your trauma until you're off. If its how you are as a person, that's fine too! Dont let what happened to you invalidate how you feel like that.

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      • 4byfour

        670d

        @Mop thank you for putting it this way! I would have never thought of it that way. I’m not the op but thank you!

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    • MandazInTC

      671d

      Honestly, you're 18. You're young. It sounds like you've never even experienced a relationship and that's totally fine. This is the time to figure yourself out and find out what works for you. If you don't feel the need to be with someone, then don't. Enjoy your life. Enjoy the freedom of your youth. If you are concerned about trying to figure out what you would like to consider yourself in a safer space, there's sex therapists for that. I know that's a super weird concept to think about, but sometimes it helps to bouce ideas with someone who's not more "opinionated".

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      • Lucas.exe

        670d

        @MandazInTC thanks for the kind words :) I just worried my confusion in sexuality isnt a sexuality thing and more of a trauma response thing. Either way I dont think I'll find myself dating anytime soon 🤷‍♀️

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        • MandazInTC

          669d

          @Lucas.exe Your welcome. I think counseling can still help with that. There's trauma counseling as well such as EMDR or CBT. I've done EMDR for other things and it has been super helpful. Sometimes you do start a counseling journey which you put on pause temporarily for a different type of counseling that may be more pertinent. I've done that too.

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    • KeiXyr

      671d

      Aroace person here. You could definitely be ace-spec! As someone who is aroace I do like romantic/sexual relationships in theory, but have almost no desire to act on them. Asexuality is a spectrum and you don't necessarily have to feel absolutely no attraction to be on it. If you decide that you want to look into an identity that fits you, try looking into aegosexuality. 💜 Of course I am not an expert and you could always be bi-spec. It's up to you to discover and choose or not choose what best fits you.

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      • KeiXyr

        671d

        @KeiXyr Also adding that if you are ace-spec, you might be experiencing other types of attraction rather than romantic/sexual. It's so easy to misunderstand it as romantic/sexual when you're on the spectrum.

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    • Shroom_Fairy

      671d

      Well you could be on the ace spectrum but you could very well be bi or pan or things under that umbrella, bi can have a preference and pan usually is about the person bot the gender. But no one but you should label you, it's up to you who you are

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      • Lucas.exe

        671d

        @Shroom_Fairy thanks for responding :). I dont feel I need to label myself as anything and I lm mostly in a mindset of if I find someone I like I dont care what they are as long as I'm comfortable but I am just confused as to how to treat it if that makes sense cause anything real life makes me uncomfortable but the things that stay in my head make me happy. Maybe I have way to high of standards lol. But I have pretty much been isolated since covid started so maybe it's a mental health thing that I dont like real people only in my brain people.

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        • 4byfour

          670d

          @Lucas.exe but it’s also totally fine if you’re ace too! I don’t like labels either

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        • 4byfour

          670d

          @Lucas.exe don’t define yourself by the struggles you face! ❤️ what makes you happy in your head is probably a sign that that’s your healthiest self 😇

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      • Shroom_Fairy

        671d

        @Shroom_Fairy Not*

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☝ This content is generated by our users and it is not a substitute for professional medical advice. Please consult with your physician before making any medical decision

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