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Travihz

640d

(NSFW) Recently, I've struggled with differentiating if I am asexual; or if I just have a poor connection to sex. I don't think attraction is the issue; no matter how attracted I am to someone, I love the idea of sexual encounters, but when it comes to doing so I feel disgusted, and the only thing I can think of is how badly I want it to be over. I don't necessarily have a low self esteem; but how do I know if this is something to do with my sexuality or if it's unresolved trauma? I feel so guilty for feeling this way.

Top reply
    • Hiraeth

      620d

      It helps understanding that aesthetic attraction, sexual attraction, romantic attraction, and platonic attraction are all separate things. Just try to feel out what feels "right" for you, remove any pressures and judgemental people if you can, and understand that each of these attractions are on a sliding greyscale, not just black and white. I'm either biromantic asexual or deeply demisexual with a need for a partner I know and trust. Don't be afraid to change your mind or change who you are, either. 💕 Say you think you're aromatic asexual, in two years you could happily find yourself in a loving relationship if that's what you want. 🤗 Only use labels to understand yourself if that's what you want and are comfortable with, or to communicate in shorthand with people you are comfortable with, don't stick yourself with one label forever if you don't feel okay with it. 💕 It's your body, and it's trying to tell you something. So just listen, and take all the time you need to figure it out, you deserve that. 🤗 And it goes without saying that toxic people that don't want you to say no to them should be cut out of your life/put on hold if they're hurting you. You matter. 💕

    • Hiraeth

      620d

      It helps understanding that aesthetic attraction, sexual attraction, romantic attraction, and platonic attraction are all separate things. Just try to feel out what feels "right" for you, remove any pressures and judgemental people if you can, and understand that each of these attractions are on a sliding greyscale, not just black and white. I'm either biromantic asexual or deeply demisexual with a need for a partner I know and trust. Don't be afraid to change your mind or change who you are, either. 💕 Say you think you're aromatic asexual, in two years you could happily find yourself in a loving relationship if that's what you want. 🤗 Only use labels to understand yourself if that's what you want and are comfortable with, or to communicate in shorthand with people you are comfortable with, don't stick yourself with one label forever if you don't feel okay with it. 💕 It's your body, and it's trying to tell you something. So just listen, and take all the time you need to figure it out, you deserve that. 🤗 And it goes without saying that toxic people that don't want you to say no to them should be cut out of your life/put on hold if they're hurting you. You matter. 💕

    • Fluffsy

      634d

      I often feel guilty because I have trauma in this area and around half of the time (not all of the time for me. I have times where I can and do enjoy sexual things) I’m repulsed by sex and it can even extend to being touched in general in a non sexual way but I have a husband who is amazing at sex and very loving and affectionate so sometimes he can feel like I’m not satisfied or happy with how he is doing things and I’ll have to re explain that no matter how good he is and attentive and loving that sometimes I just feel disgusted by sex in general and I have to stop it because of my trauma and not because of him. It’s nothing to feel guilty about but I understand the guilty feeling. Just understand that it’s not anything you did or caused to happen to yourself. How you feel is valid and you deserve the space you need whatever that looks like for you. It can help some people to identify as ace even if you feel like the cause may be trauma. It can be a good starting point to explain that you just don’t like sex. It’s up to you and what’s comfortable for you :)

    • Jannah

      639d

      I feel the exact same way as you do !! I dont know your situation or story, but for me it is definitely due to unresolved trauma. I avoid sex and haven't had sex in a number of years and I don't get any urges or care to have sex. I'm so glad to come across your post because now I know I'm not the only person who feels this way. Its a shame that we live in a society that has become highly sexualized.

    • YanyLaurel

      640d

      The guilt you feel might be leftover from whoever traumatized you, since you have no actual reason to feel guilty. I'm not an expert on sexuality but I know there are a lot of combinations of romantic attraction vs. sexuality. Also how many different people have you had sexy time with? Maybe you're disgusted at the person because they aren't actually good? Maybe

☝ This content is generated by our users and it is not a substitute for professional medical advice. Please consult with your physician before making any medical decision

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