Struggling with My Sexuality After Childhood Sexual Assault

I was sexually abused throughout my childhood and teen years along with other forms of abuse. I personally have never felt a lack of sexual attraction. I am quite hypersexual actually. but everyone is different and reacts to trauma differently. please message me if you want to talk. I'm here for you!

Very relatable. I'm glad you brought this up because I've been struggling with this lately and couldn't understand why. 😥

I have. I was sexually assaulted as a child, and as an adult later on. When I was younger, I’m saying 13 on, I would…uh…self pleasure, excessively and at some times violently, to the point it felt like self mutilation. As I got older, I was hypersexual, to the point I felt desperate for sex. When I was sexually assaulted again at 19, it cycled all over again, but felt intensified. I can say I am still not comfortable with sex at 25, almost 26. I had a “phase” of having sex with whoever and felt no pleasure from it, just wanted something different than my “usual”. With my current long lasting partner, there are times I will “have an episode” during sex, where I will freak out, screaming and crying. But we stop everything immediately, and he holds me and comforts. He knows everything though. He is the only one who knows everything. I, can’t confidently say I cope. Because I can’t do it by myself. It’s very hard. But I will say, don’t worry about your sexual definition. Just be what’s comfortable with you, as long as you have fully consenting partners if you do decide to do anything. You don’t have to say everything, but just let them know some of it. That helps. I really hope this helps. Sorry for the rambling. Take care, I’m here if you need someone to talk to. I don’t mind sharing

Absolutely - I was with my boyfriend while I was sexually assaulted and still am now, and had it not been for his understanding, we wouldn’t be together - I went through periods of being hyper sexual, even seeking sex with OTHER people than my bf for some reason - also went through periods of no desire at all…it took me going to therapy WITH my bf in the end for him to understand - but things couldn’t be better now between us - honesty and openness are key for sure about how you’re feeling!

I was hypersexual for years and cried after sex. Eventually I stopped crying and could casually have sex with people I dated without aggressively seeking it and I was okay without it too. I'm pretty sure my last 2 exes dated me specifically to have sex with me and I think that may have put me where I am now and also identifying as an Asexual. I still have sexual desires but I absolutely refused to be touched. I think being touch and desired sexually are fears we hold from past SA experiences. Currently I still identify as an Asexual even with increased desires. I think its really going to take someone who respects our boundaries and some trust for us to open up again and maybe some time and good experiences as well. Constantly seeing people do and say disrespectful things and pushing my boundaries makes me crawl further inside myself. The more good I see, the more I'm willing to branch out and do more.