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Motley

511d

Here's a little vent so CW for dementia and panic My mom works at a nursing home with dementia patients and she also drives me home from work every night. She's very talkative and has expressed that she feels like I'm the only one who listens to her and she's very grateful for it. So of course she always tells me about her day while she drives. My problem is that dementia is something that if I'm not in the right headspace, even if spoken about completely positively, triggers me a lot for lack of a better word. I feel completely panicked and I'm just screaming and begging for her to stop in my head and trying to self sooth and digging my nails into my skin anything to not make it obvious that I'm unwell. I know the solution is to just, ask her to stop and tell her why, but I sincerely don't want to stomp out her only time to express herself to someone, especially since she struggles with depression and anxiety too. Also if I acknowledge verbally how I'm feeling when I'm like that I tend to not be able to express it without crying my eyes out and hyperventilating which would make her feel SO guilty for doing it to me every night.

Top reply
    • Motley

      509d

      @Aria17 my relationship is fine don't worry! I'm good friends with her as always. She was very understanding about it and as I suspected apologized that her ADD sometimes makes her less receptive to how she's making people feel.

    • Motley

      510d

      I told her via text so she wouldn't see me crying about it my brain is huge

      • Aria17

        509d

        @Motley I'm glad you told her! I'm sorry you're struggling with it right now, but hopefully it will help your anxiety and your relationship with her in the future

        • Motley

          509d

          @Aria17 my relationship is fine don't worry! I'm good friends with her as always. She was very understanding about it and as I suspected apologized that her ADD sometimes makes her less receptive to how she's making people feel.

    • Aria17

      511d

      I know it's hard when it feels like you're someone's only resource, but you're not a therapist (I'm assuming), and even if you were, you wouldn't legally or ethically be allowed to be your mom's therapist. That's because you are too close to the situation to be a source of objective support. I know you have good intentions, but when this is so distressing for you, you aren't ultimately doing yourself OR your mom much good by continuing to subject yourself to this. If you don't want to draw a hard line and tell your mom you can't talk about this at all, you can set up some boundaries that may make it easier to cope. Asking her to check in with you before she starts talking about her day; asking if she's able to limit her time to maybe 10 minutes before switching topics; these are reasonable limits. It may take some of the pressure off if you know you have some control. And if you need to not hear about this topic at all, that's a completely reasonable thing to ask. You don't need to understand why it triggers you, and even though it may upset your mom, you aren't responsible for her feelings. There are therapists, and support resources for caregivers, that she can look into. You'll still be there for love and support in other aspects of her life. You aren't a bad child because you can't provide everything she needs- that isn't your job.

      • Motley

        511d

        @Aria17 I usually agree with the whole "you aren't your parents/friends therapists" but in this case I think that doesn't apply. She doesn't tell me about her problems or dump anything on me to her its just a normal conversation and she should be allowed to have those. It's just that her job is her life so that's what she's passionate about talking about. It would be like her saying to me "hey I know you love animals and think they're really cool and want to tell me about yours but don't do that anymore." But you're right that it's not good to let myself keep feeling like this.

    • Motley

      511d

      Thankfully this doesn't happen every night but I feel so drained. I have a headache now and I just feel like shit.

☝ This content is generated by our users and it is not a substitute for professional medical advice. Please consult with your physician before making any medical decision

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