Dealing with a Parent's Steroid Abuse and Narcissism

My dad was a narcissistic bully. Sad thing is, he claims no remembrance of any of it today. My dad grew up in a dysfunctional home and it affected him badly. Still, there was no excuse for the way he treated me, my siblings and my mom. I'm sad to say that you never get over it. At least I never have. With the right doctor and medication I've learned to cope. I have a supportive spouse which has made the greatest change in my life. My spouse has been a blessing to me. Having someone to tell everything in my heart has made the greatest difference. Growing up I was different because of my home life. I was naturally insecure. So, I was misunderstood and picked on in school. I didn't know how else to act. I was called bad names because they thought I was something I wasn't. So, the way was treated at home was carried over into school. My dad often belittled me and told me how dumb I was. As a child it didn't understand that he was the bad one. I was much older when I finally realized I wasn't the problem. I wish I had known that sooner. I was older than I should have been when I began developing my own self confidence. I read once, when a parent does this, I child doesn't stop loving the parent, he stops loving himself. And that's what I did. I was never good enough for my dad and I wasn't good enough for myself. I can't say what you should do. It's important to get well. Strengthen your self confidence. You are a wonderful person and you are not your father. Narcissistic people are often jealous and competitive. Nothing makes them happy. My dad had a very bad temper. We were always walking on egg shells. Even during the rare good times, we were waiting for the other shoe to drop. Personally I pray for strength and endurance. My spouse is also an answer to my prayers, I wouldn't be as strong as I am now without my spouse. Even as a child I prayed for help at times. Again, that's something you'll have to decide, but it helped me become a better person today. I hope you find peace. 🫂